To: K-list 
Recieved: 2000/05/18  06:42  
Subject: [K-list] brain and understanding 
From: Meeradji
  
On 2000/05/18  06:42, Meeradji posted thus to the K-list: 
Hi everybody,
 
trying to listen to you during the last days.... mainly since Ben 
entered the stage....brought a subject back to my awareness that was 
quite acute for a while:  
since i was a young girl i had difficulties to follow abstract or purely 
intellectual threads. My brain would click off and something in me would 
start crying. It felt, like something in me got hurt or felt threatened. 
As a student i tried to ignore it. I was very intelligent and my 
teachers thought, i should have a brilliant future, a university career, 
but most of the time i just couldn't overcome this pain. It was 
especially intense if the subject was dealing with soul too, like poems. 
I LOVED poetry, but because of that i just couldn't deal with it 
academically. Purely abstract concepts my mind just wouldn't take. There 
was this pain and everything looked like empty shells.  
So i gave up on it and went to natural medical school instead. Two years 
ago when my K- process became quite intense, i was sitting in front of 
the computer reading mails ( mainly astrology, some spirituality) and 
realized, as soon as somebody started talking abstract or(?) 
intellectually, my brain just doesn't take it in. The pain is 
gone....it's just..... it feels to me i'm reading from my heart or 
-and-i'm reading more or less the energies and not the words and if i'm 
not able to connect on a soul level, it is like Chinese or moon 
language. I can sit in front of the screen and my eyes go over it but my 
mind just doesn't take it in. the same by the way happens with nasty 
posts. i was on several lists where people were flaming, arguing, 
leaving the lists and i never got it. I always was quite surprised when 
somebody left and tried to figure out what was going on before and 
realized i always had deleted the mails with these kind of energies 
without even consciously knowing about it. And even IF i had read the 
mails something in me obviously went over the sentences without taking 
them in. This all came up again trying to follow your discussions with 
Ben. I don't think i read any of his letters....o yes, there was this 
one sentence where he was emotional and wanted to leave .....  But it's 
not selecting from a judging standpoint. it also doesn't take in Dan 
Winters postings. I KNOW he has alot to say and to share, but my mind 
just doesn't take it.  
I know these phenomenons are K- related because the stronger K-energy is 
working, the stronger this phenomenon becomes. On low days i sometimes 
get a chance to follow abstract threads, on high days- like today- there 
is no chance. Somebody else who can relate to this? I was quite 
desperate about this topic for a long time, because it felt to me, i 
havn't got a free choice. It's coming up again now also because i have 
to study some computer programs, go through some books and there we go 
again: words look like empty signs i never knew and i can sit in front 
of a page and just can't connect to it. 
Could somebody please write a book on DHTML  or teach me how to use 
Adobe Illustrator in soul language????? LOLOL 
warmly 
mia
 
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