Kundalini Gateway Email List Archives


To: K-list
Recieved: 2000/05/11 01:34
Subject: Re: [K-list] Entity Clearing
From: Mystress Angelique Serpent

On 2000/05/11 01:34, Mystress Angelique Serpent posted thus to the K-list:

At 10:09 PM 5/10/00 -0400, ckressATnospamaol.com wrote:
>Maybe I have weak boundaries, which, translated from psychology-speak, means
>that when I witness someone being kicked when they're already down, I yell
>"OW!" Yet enquiring minds want to know what else is REALLY up with my
>empathy and anger. In the words of a wise woman, "Sometimes a banana is
>a banana, Dr. Freud." But some bananas are too ripe, aren't they? We don't
>want them on our plate. Anger is a funky banana and demonstrates a
>deficit, for sure. Now apathy is a real spiritual achievement.

   Thankyou Goddess, for giving me Attention Deficit Disorder.
   Thankyou for the merciful gift of "blink-outs" that knock me out of my
body, into the void, into the Witness state whenever the emotional
intensity of the pain in the world that I have no boundaries against, trips
the feeble hypersensitive breaker switch I have in my brain.
   Thankyou for giving me the empathic sensitivity to feel the pain of
others from the other side of the planet, so that I may offer healing to
them, because it is the only job thing worth doing.
Thankyou for the merciful detachment reflex that disassociates me from
it, so that I am able to function, observe, and do the work I do without
becoming overwhelmed.
   For these gifts, I know that I am deeply grateful.

   I really don't know how deeply grateful I am, but my gratitude must be
intense because touching it makes the breaker switch trip, and knocks me
into the emotional nothingness of unconditional love... where I can
observe, and act, but not feel.

> For the majority of the cancer
>patients they studied, the authors write, "anger was the phantom emotion.
Thankyou Goddess, for taking the "ADD reactivity" away, last January.
Thank you, thank you, thank you for taking the "oppositional defiance"
rages, and freeing me from the berserker Alpha Wolf who would come forth
to defend my body when I was not in it, by doing it's best to destroy the
source of the emotional intensity so I could "come back"... even if the
source, was my own compassion and sensitivity.

> What is Nature telling us? That since Angelique and I
>still smoke cigarettes, we better keep clashing horns now and then to ward
>off lung cancer.
 Thankyou, Goddess, and Chacmool, your instrument, for teaching me the
heart sacrifice ritual of the Mayan Kings, that opened the Grail within me.
 Thank you for the vibration of Your heart, in this body which makes me
immune to cancer.... Because it is hard to quit smoking when the body is
addicted, and nic-fits knock me into "spiritual apathy" where I have no
will to stop my body from acting on it's habits.

> I'm feeling healthier already.

> How about you?
 I'm not feeling anything.
 I am observing.
 I am observing that you once told me that I am the most passionate
woman you have ever encountered. I am observing that you have mistaken my
ADD detachment for heartless apathy.
 I am observing that you really don't know me, or see me, at all. All
you see, are your projections.
 I am observing my body reacting to this information with emotions of
sadness and a profound loneliness which I have observed before. It is
familiar, like an old friend. A poignant sweetness I can taste, on the back
of my throat.
I don't mind it. I'm not in my body, to feel it, so it doesn't hurt. It
just Is.

>There is a level -- a state of grace -- at which all is genuinely perceived
>as perfection, and the good/evil dichotomy is understood to be illusion.
>to really speak from that place is to be so filled with compassion that
>words bring healing. Words which repress, discredit or mock someone else's
>expression of pain are neither healing nor enlightened.
   Who are you speaking to, El? I did not offer mockery or repression.

Pain can be expressed, in many ways. So can anger... my comments about
preferring to be uninvolved with Native politics, were a detached
expression of my body's pain and fear. Goddess told me years ago, that I
will be involved, and I surrender to that. I bow to the inevitability.

   Only recently have I learned the form.. getting involved with treaty
negotiations and providing employment for natives is an unavoidable aspect
of the Kundalini Sanctuary .. the Mansion project. Aside from those
off-hand comments I made in the other post, I am completely unable to
approach the idea emotionally. It just Is.
   I bounce off it like a stone skipping over water... that inevitably,
will sink to the bottom before it reaches the farther shore.
   My statements about the futility of charity, were anger and frustration
with the pain that I cannot help but feel, except for the mercy of
detachment that is a reflex I have no control over...

There is a kind of healing, that is tough love.
It is provocative, it pokes all the sore spots so they can be felt,
recognised, forgiven, and healed. To be this kind of healer, is a thankless
task, so it is well that I do it from the witness state, where I do not
need gratitude. Where I am not concerned about judgments of enlightenment.
   I cannot feel gratitude, or love, anyways, from that state, any more
than I can feel the anger and pain that I provoke and devour.

My body feels it.
I observe my body alternating between chain smoking and catatonia,
writing this post. It is sending me images of St. Sebastian all stuck full
of the arrows of your anger.. and like him I am naked, unarmored, with no
boundaries to defend myself.. no Alpha Wolf, to bite you, in defense...
Perhaps my body is asking for mercy, but I'm not in my body, so I don't care.
There is nothing to forgive. It just Is.
 Sleep will bring me back to balance. The Grail will heal my body. My
mind is safe, elsewhere. Remote. I'll read this in the morning, when I have
come back to myself, and see the feelings that are nothing, to me, now.
   Some time ago, I invited you to give me your emotional baggage, and you
made some jokes, and said you wanted to keep it. It is good that you
changed your mind. Thank you sincerely, for accepting my invitation, and
allowing me to fulfill my purpose. Fire away, if it makes you feel healthier.
My purpose, is to heal.

 Vancouver, B.C., Canada.
Officially the most beautiful city in the world.
 :D ;) :0 :) ;P ;) :D ;) 8D :)
 I would rather live in a world where my life is surrounded by mystery
 than live in a world so small that my mind could comprehend it.
~ Harry Emerson Fosdick


Home | Archive Index | Search the archives | Subscribe
K.  List FAQ | Kundalini FAQs | Signs and  Symptoms | Awakening Experiences | K. list Polls | Member Essays | Meditations | List Topics | Art Gallery | Cybrary | Sitemap | Email the moderators.
  • Feel free to submit any questions you might have about what you read here to the Kundalini mailing list moderators, and/or the author (if given). Specify if you would like your message forwarded to the list. Please subscribe to the K-list so you can read the responses.
  • All email addresses on this site have been spam proofed by the addition of ATnospam in place of the at symbol symbol.
  • All posts publicly archived with the permission of the people involved. Reproduction for anything other than personal use is prohibited by international copyright law. ©
  • This precious archive of experiential wisdom is made available thanks to sponsorship from Fire-Serpent.org.
  • URL: http://www.kundalini-gateway.org/klist/k2000/k20a02148.html