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To: K-list
Recieved: 2000/05/09 11:54
Subject: Re: [K-list] Digest Number 131
From: Ckress

On 2000/05/09 11:54, Ckress posted thus to the K-list:

In a message dated 05/09/2000 10:21:21 AM Pacific Daylight Time,
ckressATnospamaol.com writes:

<< I once had a full-blooded Native
 American lover who told me that meant zilch, nada, dirt. He grew up on a
 reservation and had dealt with all kinds of hell all his life and didn't
 consider me even vaguely kin. I was ok with that at the time. His
 was filled with books on Native American heritage which, again, he didn't
 feel I was worthy to read. >>

I want to add a bit more about my lover. He was also quadraplegic. He'd
been in a head-on collision when he was sixteen. He'd been driving and his
two friends were beside him in the passenger seat. He had flung out his arm
to protect them both from the impact, and they survived with barely a
scratch. He broke both his arm and his neck.

He was in his early 20s when we met. He had more dignity than anyone I've
ever known. I felt that the reason he didn't want to acknowledge any Native
blood tie with me or let me read his books was because he'd been hurt so
much. He'd had so much pain in his life and had witnessed such injustice to
other Natives that he didn't trust anyone who had the relative shelter of
belonging to predominantly white culture. His tradition and his books were
his sanctuary, something holy and inviolable he didn't want to be dissected
or profaned by outsiders. Knowning how much they meant to him, I would have
treated his books with reverence, but he didn't realize that. I didn't hold
it against him. Almost no one can truly read another's heart.




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