Recieved: 2000/02/15 19:34
Subject: [K-list] Hard Journeys
On 2000/02/15 19:34, Ckress posted thus to the K-list:
Yesterday I received a wrenching letter from someone who has been struggling
with K-related health problems for years. She is going through another
especially grueling episode and asked me for any advice or inspiration I
could offer. I spent most of last night and today trying to compose as
honest a reply to her as I could, knowing how alone she feels and how hard it
is to deal with intractable pain. After I finished my letter, I thought it
might have meaning for some people on this list who are also having a rough
time of it. For what it's worth, here's my letter:
I read your letter with great sadness for you and for all of us who have such
suffering. I relate to what you're experiencing because I too am living with
chronic pain. The answers and encouragement you ask of me are what I daily
ask of myself to cope with this.
I no longer have the torturous spine pain I endured in 93-95, but my back
always hurts and I'm extremely limited in my physical activities. Yes, I've
also experienced the "lit match" interior Kundalini heat and burning feelings
in my spine, plus horrible hammering pain and feeling like my whole spine was
filled with broken glass. Now I mostly have constant aching pain in my back
along with various other pains and illness.
Your TM advisor's remark that you "shouldn't" be physically suffering on this
path made me think of an infant saying to a toddler: "You shouldn't be
falling down and getting all those bumps and bruises. Just lay in your crib
until Mommy comes to carry you around." Good advice to another infant,
perhaps, but at the toddler stage, the child needs to go through a period of
getting bonked around as she learns to deal with gravity and to attain the
coordination and strength to stand and walk as nature intended.
In a recent message to an Internet Kundalini list, Glenn Morris (Kundalini
author and ninja master) said that risen K always damages the body, there's
no way to avoid it. He firmly believes that mild awakenings aren't
Kundalini. I've read some other Kundalini authorities who have voiced the
same opinion. Whether or not they are right, it's clearly true in our cases.
I think those in our situation should continue to do all we can to improve
our health through good nutrition, rest, and whatever therapies, practices
and medical/alternative treatments seem helpful. But for all that, many of
us are unable to eliminate all (or much) of the pain.
Protracted physical suffering is among the most challenging of trials to the
soul. I don't believe this is necessarily due to our bad karma or physical
imbalances or personal failure to master our emotions or lack of inner
resolve to just say "NO" to our unfortunate condition. Pain and other
adversity in our lives can be spiritual tools we agreed to utilize prior to
incarnating in order to fullfil the purpose of this lifetime. Like you, I
also felt angry and bewildered as to why I "needed" such misery if it was
supposed to increase my already strongly developed compassion. But
compassion isn't the only "lesson" of suffering. Being so vulnerable and so
bombarded with pain can also take us to higher levels of acceptance and faith.
I've recently been reading books by George Anderson, one of the world's most
skilled and accurate mediums. He communicates with souls on the other side
of the veil, and they have repeatedly told him that earth is a very difficult
training ground chosen by those who want to rapidly progress. He has been
told hundreds of times by souls who endured great physical suffering here
that every bit of it was essential for their spiritual development. Time and
again in his readings for them, parents of young children who died of severe
illness have sat with their mouths agape "as their child tells them that
every second of the pain they endured they would gladly go through again to
benefit the same way in the hereafter." Anderson goes on to say: "It is a
hard concept for us to understand -- nothing happens to us that is not
absolutely crucial to our spiritual journey on earth."
I know my husband is earning tons of good karma for all the help and love he
has given me during these very hard years. Who knows? Maybe some of your
and my suffering was taken on to also enable our partners to do tremendous
spiritual service this time around? Maybe they came in to do this kind of
soul work, and at least with us for their partners, their sacrifices and
labor and love for us doesn't go unappreciated (not by US!) in this world. I
have no idea how much light I've brought in through this incarnation, but I
will stand witness throughout all eternity to the boundless light my husband
has brought to me here. Without him, I would be in abject despair.
Anderson has also been told by some souls that they have chosen never to
incarnate on earth again, even though they are still in need of a lot of
spiritual development. They say it takes much, much longer from their side,
but it is so gentle and peaceful and painless compared to existence here.
I've heard some mediums say that the angels are in awe of humans who
incarnate, since it takes such courage to come into this sphere of turmoil
This is where I am now with my own pain: trying to accept it as something
that benefits my soul and the cosmos in ways that perhaps can never be fully
understood from this plane. I don't try to cause myself pain nor have I been
able to detach from it, but I'm opening my heart to myself enough to
acknowledge that this is quite possibly my heroic task. It takes a lot of
self-love to do this. Aside from our personal doubts that our souls could
have been so brave or willing to endure all this, maintaining loving
self-regard is hard in a world where there is such resistance to the idea of
suffering as profound spiritual work. It is too frightening for most people
to believe because it might then mean that some suffering is essential to
THEIR spiritual mission too.
None of us want to suffer. We all want to find a way to escape it or
minimize it as much as possible for ourselves. When I posted to a K-list
that I was learning to accept my pain as purposeful, a healer vehemently
protested that no one should EVER accept their suffering. Yet the avatars of
the great religions all stress love, acceptance and faith even in the face of
the darkest challenges on this plane. The souls who have spoken with George
Anderson have repeatedly emphasized this too: we must eventually experience
EVERYTHING before we can become spiritually whole and free.
Maybe this isn't helpful to you now and you need to keep searching in your
own way to either find some peace with your situation or to be completely
healed. From this plane, physical healing would be a great blessing. From
the other side, the souls say that making the best we can of whatever life
brings us -- whether that includes respite from suffering or not -- is our
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