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To: K-list
Recieved: 2000/01/27 20:41
Subject: Re: [K-list] Re: Avatars, Alone, etc
From: Ckress

On 2000/01/27 20:41, Ckress posted thus to the K-list:

From: CKRESSATnospamaol.com

Hillary wrote:

<< Nothing is ever "lost." We are only alone when we separate our "selves"
into individual units. >>

Yes, on the level where "we" exist, this is completely true. Isolating
ourselves from others by withholding our love from the world (although we
usually experience it as being unloved and unappreciated) backs us into the
dark corner of loneliness HERE. But on the level where the Source "I AM"
exists, the loneliness isn't about being separate, but about being the Only
One in existence.

I know this is pretty much impossible for anyone who hasn't experienced it
firsthand to comprehend (and I know there are some others out there who have
experienced it and have given up even trying to say anything about it --
probably wiser than me, LOL!). The devastating part of the God/Self/Source
awakening isn't about losing one's distinctive individuality (unless one had
an extremely narcissistic attachment to it). It's the profound aloneness of
the One Self. This is of a much deeper order than a self-pitying "Nobody
likes me, everybody hates me, I'm going to go eat worms" type loneliness.
It's deeper than the aching-longing for mature intimacy with someone who can
share and accept one's personal values and experiences. It's even deeper
than the angst of knowing that by virtue of one's uniqueness and one's
embodiment as a perishable organism, one is alone in one's particular trials
and tribulations.

Two obstacles seem to prevent those who haven't awakened to the God/Self
level from being able to comprehend much said about it: (1) It contradicts
one's established perception of reality; (2) It challenges cherished ideals
of what the Divine state of Wholeness should be. We want to think of the
highest state as one utterly removed from all pain so we can hold to the hope
that eventually we too can exist forever in that luxurious state of being --
a sort of natural, inherent cosmic version of being perpetually high on
heroin. The suggestion that God/Self/Source can suffer is abhorrent to most
of us, and for those whose highest mystical experiences have been of the
bliss/joy variety, it just seems to be flat out wrong. In either case, it's
less discomfiting to dismiss this as an ego-distortion of the enlightenment
experience than to consider what I'm saying as possibly valid.

Not many "masters" speak of God/Self's suffering (Mother Meerer is one
exception; she has openly said that "Of course God suffers"). And most
religious doctrine/dogma appears to avoid or deny the dark aspects of
awakening. Yet according to Grof's interviews with many who had had this
experience, even those who were not pulled into the Aloneness/Loneliness pain
told of feeling the divine "boredom" of the Void. This is another way of
perceiving the primordial, distressing "lack" for which creation/multiplicity
was the divine solution.

When, in an earlier post of mine (that Jerry recently mentioned) I said that
the illusory nature of suffering held true at the core level, I meant in
terms of physical pain and all kinds of individual conflicts and sorrow.
When one is no longer identified with the separate, personal self, these
types of pain are released. God/Self/Source has no material body to be
injured or hurt, and is not in conflict with anything to cause anger, fear,
grief, etc. But without the divine pain of Aloneness/Boredom, creation would
never have occurred and we would all have remained latent in the womb of the
unmanifest. God/Self would have continued as Self-aware existence, but
absent of thought or feeling or form. Not even "I AM LOVE," but purely "I

It's a lot easier to blame ourselves, each other, or some anti-Christ Evil
force for the "just so" conditions of existence than to accept that the way
things are -- and the way we are -- has divine purpose. The purpose, as I
was given to understand it, is eternal creativity-love, with all its
attendant joys and sorrows. I don't see a conflict in regarding this as
either "lessons" or karmic growth or simply explorations of the soul. It is
on the planes of interrelatedness that "nothing is ever lost," just sometimes
hidden. It's here, and in the myriad realms, that as Angelique so aptly put
it, God/Goddess lives out the splendor of prolific creative versions of
Itself. I don't think this makes us all "Avatars" any more than it makes us
all billionaires or Luddites, but if it pleases or entertains you to say so,

Nor does it mean that everything that goes on here is hunky-dory... or that
gurus who behave corruptly are doing it for our own good any more than Hitler
was doing a favor to the Jews and others he murdered, regardless of the fact
that he still has neo-nazi "devotees" around the world. Our emotional and
intellectual responses to life -- including our outrage and objections -- are
part of the collective creative process. There are needs and pains which
arise (as reflections of the Original need/pain) which impel us to find
solutions, of which the most creatively beautiful and elegant issue from the
heart (again, reflections of the Original Love-Creation solution).

Fulfillment of our potentials can be achieved once-and-for-all only in a
finite system. In the Infinite which is our home, it is an never-ending

Thus speaketh El.

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