Recieved: 1999/12/13 21:40
Subject: Re: [K-list] Re: Ego! What? Again?
On 1999/12/13 21:40, Jenell posted thus to the K-list:
El, you've given the best description of some I, too have experienced,
I've seen yet. STILL really struggle with it. A few days ago, in a post
here, i talked about it as being a catapillar transforming into the
butterfly, of that point at which i am no longer the one, but not yet
the other. I still have to struggle with attending to the needs of this
physical body, and it's neccesary functions in this world.
but i had a most interesting conversation with my spirit guide a few
evenings ago, through my ability to do 'automatic writing'.i do that
soketimes to 'talk' with my guide, 'I' write my thoughts and questions,
then the 'answers/responses' cme through the automatic writing. I was
amazed at what I learned in that. I talked to my guide about the things
I had put in that post about the catapillar/butterfly, and found
'myself' now, that is in this transition, or rather, a somewhat immature
form of what is to become the butterfly, talking about 'myself' that i
was, the catapillar, how i miss her, how I didn't know how much I loved
her until she was gone, had not even realized she was dying until she
was already dead, etc. And 'I' (now and emerging) made some realizations
and admissions about 'her', and how 'I' feel about 'her'. that I not
only miss her because I've realized i loved her, but because I NEED her!
she was so good at a lot of things I'm not. Mainly, in her efficiency in
managing worldly things, matters of the business of daily life.
what I ended up with out of it was my guide explaining to me that she
isn't really dead, only resting, sleeping, for now. that even before 'I'
kenw it, 'she' knew, that I had reached the point in my development, in
her 'giving birth to me', that for me to complete my birth and growth
process, she had to withdraw, there had to be a 'separation' between us.
that she had known this, and has alowed herself to 'die' as she has, out
of her love for me, and desire for me to be able to freely make my birth
into the world, without her holding me back, being too protecting of me,
etc. And that once I'm developed well enough, she will come back, we
will in some sense, co-exist, yet be integrated in that co-existence,
within this body. But what was really a surprise to me was my guide
explaining to me was that part of what had to come about in me before
that could happen, before she could begin to come back, was that I had
to do what I have done, recognize her death, and that i love her, and
miss her, and feel need for her.
anyone else feel a 'connection' to something like this?
> I had an awareness that I was "supposed to be" identified with the body "El"
> and, because I didn't want to cause the body-C. (my husband) grief, I needed
> to tend to the biological needs of body-El (food, bathroom, sleep). It took
> a tremendous effort to focus on body-El to do these things -- like being in
> freefall in outer space and periodically having to zero in on a specific
> parking meter on earth and feed it a few coins. Talking to body-C. through
> body-El was also an intense effort, like trying to pour the Pacific ocean
> through a funnel.
> This egoless state was different from the God/Source/Self "I AM" awakening.
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