Recieved: 1999/12/13 19:40
Subject: Re: [K-list] Re: Ego! What? Again?
On 1999/12/13 19:40, Ckress posted thus to the K-list:
n a message dated 12/13/99 5:34:25 AM Pacific Standard Time,
<< Some people don't "authorize"
the use of the word enlightenment (they are attached to that word, at
least) until a full transformation of nervous system, with 24h/day
egolessness has taken place >>
I was in an egoless state for 6 weeks nonstop early after my K awakened. I
ceased to be identified with the body/self -- aka "El" (which is what the ego
is: an exclusive identification with one small portion of the whole which one
imagines is "me"). During these weeks, I experienced everything as a vast
sea of seething energies. I wasn't on another plane; I was perceiving
everything here in this world, but not as separate objects. Neither was
there any "inner" or "outer" to anything. Instead, it was all radiances/
coalescenses of energy (sort of the way oil paints dripped into a pan of
water swirl in marbleized colors, but are still immersed in the water).
I had an awareness that I was "supposed to be" identified with the body "El"
and, because I didn't want to cause the body-C. (my husband) grief, I needed
to tend to the biological needs of body-El (food, bathroom, sleep). It took
a tremendous effort to focus on body-El to do these things -- like being in
freefall in outer space and periodically having to zero in on a specific
parking meter on earth and feed it a few coins. Talking to body-C. through
body-El was also an intense effort, like trying to pour the Pacific ocean
through a funnel.
This egoless state was different from the God/Source/Self "I AM" awakening.
I've used the word "I" to describe the experience because the language is so
constructed that it's necessary. But in the actuality of it, there was no
"I," only infinite energy.
So who was it that remained concerned for the welfare of body-C and body-El?
Seems like a knock-knock joke:
"N.R.G in orgy everywhere."
(Translation: "Conscious energy, that's who!"
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