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To: K-list
Recieved: 1999/11/13 19:43
Subject: [K-list] Reflections
From: Ckress

On 1999/11/13 19:43, Ckress posted thus to the K-list:

-- El's in-yer-face, self-absorbed, superior-to-everyone online journal --

After my recent post about having my inner life turned around once I focused
on telling the truth, it occurred to me that someone might think this was
fairly good advice for anyone. From my experience, if I'd taken this route
much earlier in my life, before I'd developed a solid heart-center, it could
have been destructive. Until I'd learned about compassion and consideration
for both my own and other people's limitations, making truth-telling my #1
priority could have been ruthless.

Following the truth allows one to see both the elegance and flaws in many
things, but without heartfulness, blatant honesty can sound savage (and
incite riots and get a few lynch mobs coming after you). When I realized
that my guide didn't mean I had to blurt the truth no matter what the
consequences, I could utilize his advice in a wholesome way. Or at least
this is how I came to understand it and reap the benefits thus far. I still
use discernment in what I say (or write), being attentive to stating what I
know/feel to be true (which doesn't mean I always get it right).

I can sense when something I've said is "off" even slightly because it feels
shaky. For instance, as soon as I'd said in a recent post that I wished I
could be more humble, I knew there was a wobble there, but I was too tired to
figure out why, so I let it go. Later I realized that while I do admire
humble people, I'm equally in love with passion in others and in myself.
>From what I've observed, passion and humility don't seem to coexist in any
but the most extraordinarily clear beings, so I feel lucky to have even one
of them. Although I know my passion can become obnoxious at times, I'm not
ready to trade it in for humility. Next lifetime, maybe.

I've never had anyone point out something cruddy about myself that I hadn't
already noticed. I'm acutely aware of my shortcomings, and spent much of my
life beating myself up for my inadequacies and imperfections. Some years
ago, I told a new friend that when speaking to other people, I tried to tone
down the brazen side of my personality. He responded, "Really? I like you
as I've found you." It was one of the most beautifully supportive things
anyone has ever said to me. When I'm able to tell the truth from my heart,
the more I find of me, the more I like me too, crud and all.

-- End of journal entry --

(Regular K-list discussions may now resume)


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