To: K-list
Recieved: 1999/09/24 13:56
Subject: [K-list] Fwd: BOUNCE ["Gary" <Gary ATnospampp.>]
From: Mystress Angelique Serpent
On 1999/09/24 13:56, Mystress Angelique Serpent posted thus to the K-list:
>From: owner-kundaliniATnospamList-Server.net
>Date: Fri, 24 Sep 1999 14:41:40 -0600 (MDT)
>To: owner-kundaliniATnospamList-Server.net
>Subject: BOUNCE kundaliniATnospamList-Server.net: Non-member submission from
["Gary" <GaryATnospampp>]
Hiya: Welcome. When posting to the list, you must post from the address
you are subscribed from.. also, please snip out the repeated stuff from
your email, as I have done. You left half the digest at the end of your
post, and it does not need to be reposted.. Thanks..List Mystress.
>
>>From K-listATnospamdomin8rex.com Fri Sep 24 14:41:03 1999
>From: "Gary" <GaryATnos>
>Organization: Q-net Internet
>To: kundaliniATnospamList-Server.net
>Date: Fri, 24 Sep 1999 23:38:39 +0000
>
>
>Content-transfer-encoding: Quoted-printable
>Subject: Re: kundalini-digest V1 #365
>Reply-to: garyATnospampp
>Priority: normal
>In-reply-to: <199909231019.EAA28076ATnospamsalmon.esosoft.net>
>Message-ID: <TCPSMTP_GEN.18813.2573ATnosgt;
>
>Hi! I'm new on the list, have just followed your conversation a few
>days.
>
>Since I'm very unsure about what has happened to me the last year, I
>would be happy to hear some of your stories. How K happened to you
>and what you thought at that time. I do understand that I'am
>interrupting your discussions, but perhaps you have your stories
>saved. In that case would you mind sending some to
>garyATnos
>
>When I read your discussions, I often think that how can you be so
>positive about everything. To me K means only disappointment. I was
>never very interested in religious talk (perhaps since my mother was
>a bit obsessive with the Christian variant when I was a child) but
>coming closer to my forties, I started wondering again. At this time
>people generally find out that their lives don't excactly match the
>dreams of their youth and that happened to me too. I was in fact so
>fed up with my completely normal, but boring life that I started to
>think about dying. But first I wanted to do a little study on the
>project. My depression waned away when I found out that there were
>ways to have spiritual experiences and I tried (unsuccessfully) to
>have OBEs, I read of the Kabbala and I eagerly wrote down and tried
>to find a meaning to every single dream I could remember. Also I was
>into yoga and that was quite fun, because I discover that I had a
>natural talent that I wasn't aware of. I meditated and went into a
>group whose object was to help the spiritual beings in 'the
>otherlands' to heighten the vibrations of mankind, animal and earth
>in preparation for the great ascension.
>
>Sorry, I may sound a little ironic, but this is because of my own
>deep disappointment.
>
>What started my K experience (or madmans travel) was my own efforts
>to be a channeler, like the one in the ascension group. I used
>Sanaya Romans book Learn channeling like an cooking book and asked to
>be led by 'the highest wisest spiritual beint that is in harmony with
>my own being. After that I have never or almost never been able to
>have normal sleep. The firs half year I tried to follow, to believe
>something good was happening to me, even if I was scared to death
>many times. I felt that my body was touched, violated, raped by
>some invisual beeing, my arms and legs moved unconsciously, flew up
>in the air, there was an electricity feeling in them.
>
>I feel it rather difficult to tell in English (I'm Finnish) but I
>hope you understand me anyway.
>
>These strange things and many others just went on and on. After half
>a year, at Christmas time, I was informed that my kundalini was to
>rise. How was I informed? There were all these energy feelings and
>movements around me that made med see pictures in my head. For
>example, I felt an energy touching on my legs and at the same time
>sensed some kind of pendling movement and this two things fooled my
>brain to make me a picture of some body walking. Thinking of your ego
>discussion I was repeatedly told in this energy movement languge that
>my K couldn't rise safely if my ego was not very much put down. At
>this time I was very much afraid, I was crying and shaking violently
>every time my K turned direction, went up or down my spine again.
>After a couple of weeks K was said (by this energy language) to have
>reached their goals in the head, I felt this happen two times - once
>it rose to the left part my forehead, once to the right part. During
>this time I did many things to myself that I would never had
>done otherwise and that I felt ashamed of. Masturbation is OK but now
>I was doing thing without lust, just to please the strange being that
>seemed to be in contact with me, who said I had to do this to be lver
>with i all. There was some kind of explanation that shame drove the K
>force downwards and orgasm upwards.
>
>
>I hadn't read much of kundalini then, nor have I done it now, so I
>don't know the truth (if indeed there is a truth). Afer this I
>thought my sufferings would be =F6ver, but they were no. The energy
>touching that disturbed my sleep continued and I did not feel any
>of the positive things I had heard that K could do for people. Now I
>didn't go along anymore. In fact, I didn't go anywhere. I just lay in
>my bed and wanted to end my life - or rather hoping something else
>would end it, because I was scared of afterlife, too. What if the
>problem I had would follow me there? Also I have a 12 year old
>son and my parents who worried about me and tried to keep me alive.
>
>But I had a deep depression and for the first time I started to use
>sleeping pills. For me sleeping pills became the little suicide that
>I could make every night and sometimes during daytime, when I really
>couldn't stand existing. I had hoped for so much and now I had
>nothing to hope for. The energy movement language was of no meaning
>at all. I realized that I could stop listening anytime, hadn't I
>been so scared and hadn't the habit of 'translation' become so
>strong.
>
>I'm still in this situation, trying not to listen, not to translate
>combinations of movements and feelings in my body that uses the dark
>sides of my imagination to make see a totally hopeless situation. The
>signs do not feel so close anymore, during the day, when I'm alert
>and at work, I can ignore them fairly well, but at night they return
>together with my tiredness (I'm more tired than I have been in my
>whole life) and the ache in my body. My body is hot, I always sleep
>with hands and feet outside the blanket. The pain is mainly at the
>end of my spine, but can also move around. It helps if I can avoid
>focusing at it, calm down and try to shut the door to myself.
>
>But I feel so scared, so disappointed, so empty. I had a dream, but
>it has gone and I turned up sick, tired, desillusioned person. I try
>to think of small daily things - food, being outdoors, meeting
>people, communicating. I'm afraid that this kundalin trip is only a
>question of an unbalanced mind, of nerves and endocrines in
>unbalance. A psychiater would call it a case of psychosis.
>
>Please write to me, if you feel so. If you have some similar
>experiences and have learnt to live again. Or if you just want to
>tell me your own kundalini story. I find it very interesting to be
>able to compare my own story to others'. If you want to send it
>privately, send to garyATnos
>
>My best wishes for you all. But all th talk about taking drugs
>scares me. The door to psychosis can be very easy to enter anyway and
>unless your subconscious is very clean, which is probably a rare
>case, you don't know what monsters are there to meet you. To my
>experienc, it is not true that you only encounter as much as you can
>manage.
>
> Gary
>> ----------------------------------------------------------------------
>>
>> Date: Thu, 23 Sep 1999 08:59:27 +0100
>> From: Martin Thompson <martinATnospamtucana.demon.co.uk>
>> Subject: Re: [K-list] seemingly stupid questions about K
>>
>> 10:01:39 Wed, 22 Sep 1999
>> at LeTeegeeATnospamaol.com writes:
>> >If I look at ego, and be willing to look beyond,
>> >then to me that is Self-beneficial, and I can respond to myself or anot=
>her
>> >from that place, which is love and being.
Mystress Angelique Serpent, http://www.domin8rex.com
Vancouver, B.C., Canada. Officially the most beautiful city in the world.
8) :D ;) :0 :) ;P ;) :D |* ;) 8D :)
<<<< I would rather live in a world where my life is surrounded by mystery
<<<< than live in a world so small that my mind could comprehend it.
<<<< -- Harry Emerson Fosdick
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