To: K-list
Recieved: 1999/07/30 09:32
Subject: [K-list] Dark Night Of the Soul / Col
From: A. Erhart
On 1999/07/30 09:32, A. Erhart posted thus to the K-list:
On Fri, 30 Jul 1999 17:45:46 Colette T wrote:
>Hi All. It is me wondering if it is proper to write about it here ? .. will write a
>bit how it was for me .. and you will all realise >that it is different for everybody.
Yes, as you told Christopher, that is very true.
I very much loved your words about why you wanted to
share about the DN. :) They were so strong and
loving, yet assertive and warm. :)
>Well for me it was a protracted period within deep in the unconscious, which is dark.
Yes, although I do not see it as a DN like many other
on this list
have experienced, at the start of K, when a lot of
cleansing was being done in the 3rd chakra,
I perceived what came up from the unconscious as very
dark and very troublesome.
I asked some other ppl about it and they could not
relate to it at all. Of course, they were not K active
and had nothing to compare the process with.
>Though I appeared to everyone to look the same - I was becoming aware of mighty
>spirit - which in its unfamiliarity was scary to me. I seemed to be on an inner
>journey within and could not get out till I learned my lessons.
Goddess once told me: become a flame, then the fire
will never burn you.
>So trials and tribulations and torments
>etc were experienced to teach me how bad is clinging to ego and matter as self .. to
>wean me off rigid attachment (now I can come back to play as all aspects - I am body
>too and I love my ego).
:)
Do you think you were mainly living in the physical
body (as opposed to the emotional / intellectual etc)
previously ?
>In this inner dark, God and any comfort cannot be found (though one is protected
>during this holy process but you feel anything but) - as we are trusted enough by the
>Lord to be ready to go it alone .. to find the Light Within the Dark. The dark is God
>too. Resisting it empowers it as real and fearful. It taught me so much and yes as
>Christopher has said taught me all my brainwashing from religion set me up for
>separation and attachment to fear of a valid part of the whole which is ALL God. The
>teachings of P'taah and such saved my but - but you are drawn to that which will
>help.
:) Thanks for the beautiful rose, poem and URL.
Collette, you have a real cyber treasure trove, so
many profound sayings and images. :)) I love looking
at them. :)
I see there was an unlearning process.
Forgive me if I'm wrong, but it seems that your
perceptions about god and spirit were changed in the
DN process.
I still cannot completely understand the DN, as
personally there were absolutely no expectations of
god previously. Prior to the age of 6 I
heard about god and tried to believe to please my
parents and teachers, but there was absolutely no god
to be found anywhere.
At 6 I became an atheist, I resolved to live my
life without god and without seeking any.
It was not scary, it was being true to oneself.
One year before K my cousin who is an amorc member
asked if I wanted to know more about what he called
spirituality. I laughed and said science and philosophy
was good enough for me. I still feel it in many ways is. Beauty is beauty no matter what.
One afternoon K showed me god and I believed. It was
surprisingly easy to leave old belief systems behind.
I did not even feel ashamed like I thought I would be if
I ever had to give up atheism. But I was angry at god
for him not having shown himself earlier in this life-
time and in the previous when I really needed a god.
He then showed me he had been there all along, without
me knowing about it, everywhere and in everything, I
just hadn't seen it.
That was a good enough answer for me, as leaving god had been a conscious choice some-
where along the line.
I know I can live without the notion of god if the DN ever comes.
In the meantime, I love being where I am, where the
longing is sometimes identical with that which is
longed for. :)
Mater Tenebrum must have seen my tears and taken pity.
Thanks for explaining and sharing, Colette. :)
Best regards,
Amanda.
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