To: K-list
Recieved: 1999/05/02 14:54
Subject: [K-list] Karma...(even more rambling)
From: Rik Wallace
On 1999/05/02 14:54, Rik Wallace posted thus to the K-list:
While enjoying role-playing games with my Guru --
she being disguised as the K-list -- I've been
picking up subtle hints and nudges that I could
somehow further my progress if I just come clean
and confess that I don't understand "Karma".
... specifically, what's so "mysterious" about it?
Maybe it's because of my own mad tendency to refuse
self-knowledge, clinging to my own ego-reinforced
idea that "I am nothing... but a mystery" that I
can't figure out what Karma has to do with me.
It's been explained to me that Karma means little
more than 'what goes around, comes around.' But will
I ever "come around" and "get" myself?
I wrote this a few years ago:
"Last Month, I swear I paid off This Month's bills thru
my accountant, who is a heavy file cabinet named
'Next Month'. Now, suddenly it's This Month,
and Next Month appears to have flipped and gotten
a name change, which really messes up my filing scheme...
Anyway, today This Month hands me a bill which looks
suspiciously like the last one, except for some reason
there are more digits, along with some yackety-yak
preachy messages about 'consequences'. "Yeah, Mom,
whatever..." Being a hard-core believer in 'knowing
thyself' and having 'integrity' to stick by my self-
destructive habits, I track down where Next Month
wandered off to and hand off a brilliant sweep-around-
the-end."
NOW... as I said earlier, I'm living in a tent,
sickly proud never to have sold out my ADD and lack of
common sense, and amusingly thrilled that the above
scenario is a thing of the past. Now I'm free to focus
on what I really enjoy. For example:
One day much more recently, I came up with a really good
'once-in-a-lifetime' kind of idea to share with you all.
But I couldn't find my pen, and 'it' ran away before I could
get a good picture. So I said "Damn!" and made a mental
note to find my pen, and put the note on one of the littlest
'high-priority' gears in God's watch-full eye, so it would
come back around in a few seconds, giving me just enough
time to say "Damn!" again...
But then -- crazy how this happens -- just as I was about
to put my pen where I could find it again, the light
changed back to green and I had to get the hell out of
the street.
Once back to safety tho, I laughed and pondered the
possibility of a cosmic connection between finding my pen
and the streetlight changing; but then realized that
the light changes every three hours or so (HA!) while
finding my pen is more like a couple times in a lifetime.
So it's probably more in sync (tho a little out-of-phase)
with 'having that good idea'... hmm... [insert 5 beats and
watch Rik introspect]... oh yeah! "So I guess maybe putting
my pen where I can find it is one of those once-in-a-
lifetime-good-ideas!"... and I was pleasantly amused that
I had just 'played God' in a way that could radically affect
my future as a person-who-jots-good-ideas-in-notebooks,
while I wander into traffic again...
:) Of course, I caught myself, and certain sets of those
gears musta harmonized to make me watch what happened as
I was "catching myself", deflecting the Urge-to-walk into
some mental space called When-the-light-says-WALK-dummy,
which would come back around sometime 'later'. So I started
to wonder about all those thoughts and emotions that I
"push away" - where the heck do I deflect them to?
What if I started deflecting them someplace that would
benefit my future if they were to 'come back around'
at the right times? What if I could deflect all those
'useless tools' I've got hanging around to the corresponding
wheels that I send all the 'unsolved problems' to? What
if...
"Damn, I missed the light."
And not only that, to show you how un-'self'-aware I am,
I forgot to ponder the 'mystery' of Karma again...
Oh well... I'll shove it off for "Later"... I need another
cup of coffee. -rik
PS: At the time of this writing, I don't actually endorse
anything just said, but am pretending I simply created
a story and metaphor to cover up what would otherwise
be a void. I have since burned out and have retreated
to a comfortable place of blind innocence where nothing
is the matter, and I'm resolving to happily sit and do
nothing until 'something' comes up. It always Does.
Probably a few seconds from now... But for the moment,
Peace! rik
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