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To: K-list
Recieved: 1999/03/09 10:58
Subject: Re: [K-list] Abusive Relationships
From: jewel


On 1999/03/09 10:58, jewel posted thus to the K-list:

Dear Charles,

Snip<<I believe it is never the sole fault of either the abuser or the
abused. We are all responsible in my view for the relationships we
create.... but I prepared to be educated on this one.>>

   I do (kinda) understand where you are coming from. But I think that the
word "create" is the problem. Things are allowed to happen sometimes
without the intention or idea of creating anything, even unconciously. The
problem that you speaking about is one of allowance not creation. When you
have been abused and in an abusive relationship for a while, the abuse
escalates and you forget where the normal boundries of behaviour are. You
don't know how they "feel" anymore, your defenses have been cracked. It is
not as though you are used to it or comfortable with a abusive relationship
but you don't know when to put your foot down anymore or even what is
actually abuse and it is allowed to creep up on you again. This does not
mean that you are responsible for coercing someone else to abuse you. Only
an abusive person would make the first moves in that direction. Much Love,
Julie

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