To: K-list
Recieved: 1999/01/22 08:19
Subject: RE: [K-list] Possible abuse in my past - how do I deal with thi
From: Lew Jones

 I want to thank everyone who communicated with me regarding my post
regarding possible abuse. Your thoughts have helped me to better understand
myself regarding this issue. It is not an easy topic and not an easy
exploration for me as "I" ponder and process all that is inside of myself.
My view is that kundalini is really self-exploration and connection to the
great spirit- but it is super helpful to be able to bounce thoughts off of
people.

At this point "I" still believe that I am dealing with "stuff" from this
lifetime and reserve my right to be emotional about it. My comfort and
healing is the farm that I moved to after leaving a dry suburban life and
job - Somehow when the snow falls, it seems a good time to ponder where I
am - this year I am between jobs so have luxury of contemplating for long
periods of time - perhaps a blessing perhaps a curse -

When I was vibrating at the highest level, with ears buzzing so loud for
days on end - I remember thinking - every blessing is a curse and every
curse a blessing - but thought not sure how many blessings I can take - I
have processed all that I can for now.

I need to walk into the woods and feel the continuity of my forest - that
patch of woods that has provided firewood for warmth and building materials
for shelter for generations of my ancestors. My faith is not constrained by
any one spiritual path; and even though to me this is a blessing - perhaps
it is a curse - At times I am somewhat critical of those who seem to be
trapped in a set framework or by their chosen path of enlightenment those
who appear to accept dogma without incorporating - that is just where I'm
at. I feel the spirit - but to me God is the ugliest word in existence
used by countless to oppress and justify every type of horror imaginable.
The goddess of kundalini is more neutral and a pantheon of spirit gods and
devas seems more neutral yet.

I need to be more understanding of others and myself- and hopefully you all
will be tolerant of me and my small voice.

Llewellyn or Lew or G. Llewellyn or Jonsie (or am 'I' being too
dissociative).

DISCLAIMER!

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