To: K-list
Recieved: 1999/01/20 08:53
Subject: [K-list] Possible abuse in my past - how do I deal with this?
From: Lew Jones
On 1999/01/20 08:53, Lew Jones posted thus to the K-list:
How do I start this ... My K woke up about 4 years ago, spontaneously,
after spending months - thinking about various aspects of my life and
especially facts concerning my birth and the fact that my biological parents
might be who I grew up thinking were my siblings - it was after talking to
one of my so-called brothers and hearing him tell of sexual abuse by a
neighbor and knowing the parents did nothing that something started to
unravel. I also at the time thought that everybody in the family were
multiples (MPD-like, I suppose) and told this to a so-called sister.
Well, K symptoms were quite severe - shaking, dreaming of snakes and even
seeing a snake image superimposed over bright blue sky in daytime - doing
hand motions etc. - felt great joy but as days dragged out felt alarmed -
I had asked my so-called brother and a nephew to travel to where I lived
thinking that if they were here then they would tell me the truth about my
past.
They proceeded to get me involuntarily committed to a mental hospital -
which took me a week to get out and cost me over $5,000. I have not spoken
to them since.
That was the past - I have been reluctant to read any letters from them
and send any mail back to sender or for a spell I burned letters from
another so-called brother who continues to send me mail (to me it is abusive
of him to continue to send me letters when I just send them back). My
so-called mother sent me a post card at christmas with no return address - I
treated this like some sort of poison.
Last week I found web sites about ritual abuse and mind programming and
triggers (I have asked my higher self to lead me to what I need to resolve
the unsettled issues in my mind)- actually I am afraid that this overall
framework makes the most sense and allows me to fit the most pieces of the
puzzle together - this is very scary to me - I have enough memories to
know that I probably have disassociated in the past - I suppose I need to
find a good therapist who deals with this sort of thing - unfortunately I
can not afford that at this time.
I just needed to throw this out into the ether - I suppose it will take me
years to try to figure this out - and from what I have read it might never
be possible to put humpty dumpty back together again. How can people be so
cruel - and if I can believe some of what I read how can the U.S. government
be so cruel.
I feel that my family is psychically attacking me - how do I protect
myself?
sincerely, without love - but with compassion and caring for all who have
been abused
Llewellyn
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