1998/09/20  08:30  
 kundalini-l-d Digest V98 #668 
  
kundalini-l-d Digest				Volume 98 : Issue 668
 
Today's Topics: 
  Verse II                              [ nannuATnospamcombase.com ] 
  moods and faces                       [ "Sharon Webb" <shawebbATnospamyhc.edu> ] 
  Re: moods and faces                   [ "Kat" <kcliffordATnospamodyssey.on.ca> ] 
  Re: Recent conversations on Gurus     [ YahseyesATnospamaol.com ] 
  Re: moods and faces                   [ "Sharon Webb" <shawebbATnospamyhc.edu> ] 
  Re: Recent conversations on Gurus     [ "Evelyn Niedbalec" <log_me_inATnospamhotma ] 
  Re: moods and faces                   [ "Kat" <kcliffordATnospamodyssey.on.ca> ] 
  Reiki Training                        [ "jim privacy" <jprivacyATnospamhotmail.com ] 
  Re: creative block???                 [ beisamATnospamjuno.com (a s) ] 
  Re: creative block???                 [ "Sharon Webb" <shawebbATnospamyhc.edu> ] 
  Re: creative block???                 [ Jax <jaxxATnospamihug.co.nz> ] 
  Re:beware spooky dream kudalini risi  [ caroline wilson <myspecial1ATnospamyahoo.c ] 
  Re: creative block???                 [ nancy <nancyATnospamwtp.net> ] 
Date: Sat, 19 Sep 1998 19:02:52 -0500 
From: nannuATnospamcombase.com 
To: "Kundalini-l" <kundalini-lATnospamexecpc.com> 
Subject: Verse II 
Message-ID: <B229B05C.1704CAATnospam[209.54.227.46]> 
 
   THE WAY TO SELF-KNOWLEDGE (V.2)
 
Earn but to meet your modest needs 
To keep distress and want away, 
Excel in good and noble deeds 
To help the afflicted night and day.
 
But do not, in your zeal, expose 
Yourself to Want nor spoil your health, 
For they a greater danger pose 
To your uplift than power and wealth.
 
Be not misled by tricky Guides 
Who promise you a quick ascent 
For God in every heart abides 
And everywhere is immanent.
 
No Mantra, charin or method can 
Lift us up to the King of Kings, 
Unless we can the distance span 
With Love and Goodness as our wings.
 
It is not Method but the Heart, 
Which does the Lord of All enshrine. 
Self-worship from it must depart 
Before that Light of lights can shine.
 
How can we hide our faults from One 
Who sees each flutter of our heart? 
Can we hide from the blazing sun 
The faintest cloud with all our art?
 
No store of leaming, wit or skill 
Can help to make us pure in heart 
Unless we pray and use our will 
To keep ourselves from using art
 
Be calm and cool, with manners mild, 
Avoid excesses and extremes. 
The artless nature of a child 
Will bring ftilfilment to your dreams.
 
Study the scriptures of great creeds 
And cull the teaching they impart 
Soon you will find that noble deeds 
With love and purity of heart,
 
Expressed in simple word and phrase, 
Are all essentials of the route 
That can embodied spirit raise 
To glimpses of the Absolute.
 
It is because they do not know 
The arduous nature of the Quest, 
That false adepts their promptness show 
To guide raw seekers to the crest.
 
That is why from the learned too 
Some are now keen to join the game, 
Contending why they should not woo 
This Nymph of easy wealth and fame.
 
There is no chance they will succeed 
In their design to steal the show, 
For Time will soon expose their greed 
And infamy heap on their brow.
 
The urge in us to soar above 
The world to see what lies behind, 
Is nature's artifice to endow 
The species with a super-mind.
 
The trouble is we are too prone 
To be enamoured of our faults, 
And on this plea or that condone 
Their presence which our progress halts.
 
It is imperative on those 
Who to a super-mind aspire 
That they the vent-holes tightly close 
To bar wrong motive and desire.
 
It is not as hard as is said 
To discipline the human mind. 
Since we have nature's Law misread 
That we the task so heavy find.
 
As our upliftment to the plane 
Of super-knowledge is in line 
With nature's aim to upgrade the brain 
It must Self-mastery combine.
 
There comes a period in the life 
Of nations, when they must decrease 
The tempo of their worldly strife, 
The climb to Super-Mind to ease.
 
But slaves to habit they persist 
In their aims at the former pace, 
When nature with her iron fist 
Brings to a stop the headlong race
 
To sure destruction and decay 
Which mark the inevitable end 
Of men's revolt to have his way, 
When nature calls on him to mend.
 
This is the crisis which we face 
At this decisive point of time, 
As from now on the human race 
To cross into a Golden prime,
 
Must learn to moderate her pace, 
>From outer turn to th' inner plane, 
To simpler life her steps retrace 
And calm the fever of her brain.
 
For only then can she discern, 
The Path which nature has aligned 
For her, to tread with care to earn 
The blessing of a Super-mind.
 
The crisis will not end until 
Rebellious mankind bends before 
Outraged nature's flouted will, 
Defeated, humbled, bruised, sore.
 
For decades after I am gone, 
The learned, with a touch of awe, 
Will wonder long what Light had shone 
That guided my steps to this Law.
 
And this prediction shall remain 
For epochs as a standing proof 
That there is much more in our brain 
Than but somatic warp and woof
 
 
------------------------------------------------ 
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Date: Sat, 19 Sep 1998 20:30:34 -0400 
From: "Sharon Webb" <shawebbATnospamyhc.edu> 
To: <kundalini-lATnospamexecpc.com> 
Subject: moods and faces 
Message-ID: <002c01bde42d$e226d960$b0d11fa8ATnospamsharonwe> 
Content-Type: text/plain; 
 charset="iso-8859-1" 
 
Hi,
 
I've just put up a new gallery of pictures if anybody would like to take a 
look.  URL below.  The gallery is called "Moods and Faces" and can be 
reached via my home page.  These are not fractal images.
 
Some of you might be interested in the picture called "Kishane."  I drew 
this from a mental image I got.  Kishane (pronounced kuh-SHAW-nuh) is an 
aspect of Tomm, my channel.  Although I have not channeled her, some of you 
have made contact with her.
 
Sharon 
shawebbATnospamyhc.edu 
Ten new Moods & Faces were 
 added to this site Sept.19, 1998
 
Sixteen new Fractalscapes were 
added to this page on Sept. 13, 1998
 
Fractals and 2D and 3D graphics 
http://www.fractalus.com/sharon/  
 
Winner of twenty top web awards. 
Free screensaver and wallpaper d/l. 
Date: Sat, 19 Sep 1998 21:12:35 -0400 
From: "Kat" <kcliffordATnospamodyssey.on.ca> 
To: "Sharon Webb" <shawebbATnospamyhc.edu>, <kundalini-lATnospamexecpc.com> 
Subject: Re: moods and faces 
Message-ID: <003101bde433$c0e5e9c0$60e6d5d1ATnospamdefault> 
Content-Type: text/plain; 
 charset="iso-8859-1" 
 
Hi Sharon,
 
>I've just put up a new gallery of pictures if anybody would like to take a 
>look.  URL below.  The gallery is called "Moods and Faces" and can be 
>reached via my home page.  These are not fractal images. 
> 
>Some of you might be interested in the picture called "Kishane."  I drew 
>this from a mental image I got.  Kishane (pronounced kuh-SHAW-nuh) is an 
>aspect of Tomm, my channel.  Although I have not channeled her, some of you 
>have made contact with her.
 
I went to your site.  In fact as I type up this message I am Listening to 
your music.  Have to tell you this has freaked me out.  I drew an image that 
is similar to your elf mask many months ago when I was living with someone 
else.  I riped it up and left some spritual paintings behind because of some 
frustrated feelings that I was going through.  I guess this goes to prove 
that artists do get their ideas from the astral realms!   Maybe we have 
journeyed together at some time.  I felt a fimiliar feeling when looking at 
the portrait of Kishane.  Interesting?  Opps almost forgot to say I enjoyed 
looking at your paintings and listening to the music.
 
In L&L & Understanding,
 
Kat 
Date: Sat, 19 Sep 1998 21:13:40 EDT 
From: YahseyesATnospamaol.com 
To: kcliffordATnospamodyssey.on.ca, kundalini-lATnospamlists.execpc.com 
Subject: Re:  Recent conversations on Gurus 
Message-ID: <b96a366e.360456c4ATnospamaol.com> 
 
I gather by the small amount of posts that I am probably on the Hawaii list 
which I guess is the only one - maybe? I am in NYC, so this is a bummer.  If 
anyone knows of a NYC group or list I can try to connect with, I would be 
forever grateful.
 
Anyway, re: the Guru observation, I have always felt the same but when I 
mentioned it, people look at me like I have 3 heads. I have friends who follow 
Eckankar which is a very beautiful religion but they insist on this living 
master guy from Minn. who is supposed to guide all in their dream states.  I 
don't buy.  Also, the various Yoga disiplines that insist you must have a 
master of risk eternal ignorance or worse yet, going nuts if you have an 
awakening alone.  This is also a problem.  If anyone disagrees, I am really 
open to conflicting thoughts as I would like to believe in a master person. 
It makes it so much easier. 
Date: Sat, 19 Sep 1998 21:35:09 -0400 
From: "Sharon Webb" <shawebbATnospamyhc.edu> 
To: <kundalini-lATnospamexecpc.com> 
Subject: Re: moods and faces 
Message-ID: <009301bde436$e81fb180$b0d11fa8ATnospamsharonwe> 
Content-Type: text/plain; 
 charset="iso-8859-1" 
 
Kat wrote: 
>I went to your site.  In fact as I type up this message I am Listening to 
>your music.  Have to tell you this has freaked me out.  I drew an image 
that 
>is similar to your elf mask many months ago when I was living with someone 
>else.  I riped it up and left some spritual paintings behind because of 
some 
>frustrated feelings that I was going through.  I guess this goes to prove 
>that artists do get their ideas from the astral realms!   Maybe we have 
>journeyed together at some time.  I felt a fimiliar feeling when looking at 
>the portrait of Kishane.  Interesting?  Opps almost forgot to say I enjoyed 
>looking at your paintings and listening to the music.
 
Thanks.
 
Gee!  I wish you hadn't ripped your elf up.  :-(  I would have loved to see 
it.  Do you still paint?
 
When my k explosion came, I was seized with a mania to do pictures---one 
that I haven't had since I was a child.
 
:-)
 
Sharon 
shawebbATnospamyhc.edu 
Ten new Moods & Faces were 
 added to this site Sept.19, 1998
 
Sixteen new Fractalscapes were 
added to this page on Sept. 13, 1998
 
Fractals and 2D and 3D graphics 
http://www.fractalus.com/sharon/
 
Winner of twenty top web awards. 
Free screensaver and wallpaper d/l. 
Date: Sat, 19 Sep 1998 18:44:58 PDT 
From: "Evelyn Niedbalec" <log_me_inATnospamhotmail.com> 
To: kcliffordATnospamodyssey.on.ca, kundalini-lATnospamlists.execpc.com, YahseyesATnospamaol.com 
Subject: Re: Recent conversations on Gurus 
Message-ID: <19980920014459.16808.qmailATnospamhotmail.com> 
Content-Type: text/plain
 
>Anyway, re: the Guru observation, I have always felt the same but when  
I 
>mentioned it, people look at me like I have 3 heads. I have friends who  
follow 
>Eckankar which is a very beautiful religion but they insist on this  
living 
>master guy from Minn. who is supposed to guide all in their dream  
states.  I 
>don't buy.  Also, the various Yoga disiplines that insist you must have  
a 
>master of risk eternal ignorance or worse yet, going nuts if you have  
an 
>awakening alone.  
 
I have no guru, but I promise I haven't gone nuts.  (I know this because  
the little green space aliens tell me so!!  ;-)  )
 
This is also a problem.  If anyone disagrees, I am really 
>open to conflicting thoughts as I would like to believe in a master  
person. 
>It makes it so much easier.
 
IMO, it depends on you.  Some would do better with a guru, but  
eventually you have to learn to listen to your inner self for the truest  
answers. 
-E
 
 
______________________ 
Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com 
Date: Sat, 19 Sep 1998 21:56:37 -0400 
From: "Kat" <kcliffordATnospamodyssey.on.ca> 
To: "Sharon Webb" <shawebbATnospamyhc.edu>, <kundalini-lATnospamexecpc.com> 
Subject: Re: moods and faces 
Message-ID: <001c01bde439$e7abb2a0$51e6d5d1ATnospamdefault> 
Content-Type: text/plain; 
 charset="iso-8859-1" 
 
Hi Sharon, 
\
 
>Gee!  I wish you hadn't ripped your elf up.  :-(  I would have loved to see 
>it.  Do you still paint?
 
Yes I do and it is pulling at me very strongly now.  I have not painted much 
in the past year because of deep feelings of anger and frustration and pain 
but I am getting past these feelings and I am beginning to open up 
again......unfortuntly as I am opening I am reexperiencing a lot of the 
pain.  Not easy.   I am finding that painting is easing it up.  Maybe this 
is what I was suppose to be doing all along.    A friend of mine just sent 
me this URL and it is inspiring.  I would like to share it with you and 
anyone that is interested as well.
 
http://www.aros.net/~cwdesign/bridge/ 
> 
>When my k explosion came, I was seized with a mania to do pictures---one 
>that I haven't had since I was a child.
 
when I was a child a lady near by worked with me with my love for the arts. 
It was not until many years ago that I picked up a brush......I went through 
one year of going crazy with paintings....just could  not stop for any 
reason.  Then nothing.  I think it was because my spiritial beliefs and 
thoughts was broken.  It could also be I resisted doing  some paintings that 
were spiritual.  Maybe I annoyed the spirit within me and lost my talents 
for awhile to teach me a lesson.
 
In L&L & Understanding,
 
Kat 
Date: Sat, 19 Sep 1998 19:37:33 PDT 
From: "jim privacy" <jprivacyATnospamhotmail.com> 
To: ****ATnospamtwsuvm.uc.twsu.edu, kundalini-lATnospamexecpc.com 
Subject:  Reiki Training 
Message-ID: <19980920023734.6001.qmailATnospamhotmail.com> 
Content-Type: text/plain
 
Dear Jill:
 
I got my reiki training in January of this year, for just a few hundred  
dollars. My spiritual development has taken off like a rocket. Lots of  
k-awake people feel drawn to healing as a way to take this influx of new  
energy and direct it in a positive and creative way. Lots of schools of  
healing, pick your favorite.
 
I'd recommend first "getting" reiki healing from someone, to see what it  
feels like and see if it's of interest to you. My first Reiki healer  
taught me the basics for free and let me practice on her. When I saw  
firsthand that I *could* do it too, I was ready to sign up for classes.
 
Reiki 1 is the hands-on stuff; Reiki 2 lets you do remote  
(distant)healing, handy for healing folks across country as well as  
forward/backward in time. Several different "schools" of Reiki in the  
US, don't get mired in dogma or "the one true path." The key, IMO, is  
the "attunements" that open up the chakras. Hand positions are  
overrated, I think that intuition and intention rule.
 
If you need help finding a Reiki teacher, try www.reiki.org or I can  
find some other links or personal contacts for you. There are many Reiki  
email lists online, try www.onelist.com   I have worked with many Reiki  
healers online who trade distant healing with me, let me know if you are  
interested. 
 
BTW, I live in the midwest US, if you are within driving distance I'd be  
willing to get you started for free. 
 
Reiki does not drain the healer, you send universal healing energy  
through you, you don't send your own energy. In Reiki, the healer  
receives healing while sending to another.
 
Let me know any way I can be supportive. Love, -Jim
 
 
 I think I should 
try to take a Reiki course or something like it.  I would appreciate  
recom- 
mendations from you or anyone on the list who can address this.I would  
like 
to find a way to make good use of this energy. 
***snip*** 
In response to the other part of your experience, Julie, the pain, I  
have 
not had that.  But sometimes I find I feel exhausted afterwards.
 
I appreciate any feedback on this.  Thanks!
 
Jill
 
 
______________________ 
Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com 
Date: Sat, 19 Sep 1998 20:27:19 -0700 
From: beisamATnospamjuno.com (a s) 
To: kundalini-lATnospamexecpc.com 
Subject: Re: creative block??? 
Message-ID: <19980919.202720.-314475.0.beisamATnospamjuno.com> 
 
Hello Sharon and Kat, 
Hope ya don't mind a new voice here in your conversation about your art. 
I have been wondering what is going on with mine. 
When I was a child my grandmother taught me to do portraits of people in 
charcoal, I was never as good as she but I did well enough that if you 
knew the person, you would recognize them. 
When I was in my early twenties, my ex decided he was gonna sell some of 
my work... not the portaits, but other work I did. I told him no, he sold 
them anyway and when I got angry he refused to let me draw or paint ever 
again....  
I have tried with little success to do portaits again, in fact people are 
very near impossible for me.  
However, about 5 years after the divorce I was encouraged to doodle or 
scribble  as part of my therapy and a whole new style came about...  
hundreds of pictures came from a few years of *compulsive* drawing and 
painting... very theraputic.. I did this from about 1991 until about 8 
months ago when in the middle of doing a painting I just stopped. Unable 
to get back to it. 
Again and again this is happening now. I am driven to start, get maybe 
half the way done and cant finish.  
the portaits I dont feel sad about, it comes as no surprise to me because 
as the years go by I see faces less and less, I feel people more than see 
them which is okay with me. 
but I miss my paints, and my pencils and the peace that drawing and 
painting brought to my life. 
I am not an *artist* so I am not sure if this is typical of those who 
are.  
I dont think it is like writters block because the desire is there, the 
ideas are there, the pictures are in my head, everything feels normal 
until I try to do it, then I get feeling icky and cannot continue. 
this is disturbing to me as I have used it as my meditation - I could 
grab a pencil and paper and let my mind just go off on its own. Its like 
I cant finish a thought, in fact I cant get into that pleasing relaxed 
state at all any more. 
I put the suppies out of sight for a while, only to drag them out again 
when I felt compelled to draw again, but nothing happened. 
Any suggestions? 
freda 
_____ 
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Date: Sat, 19 Sep 1998 23:47:49 -0400 
From: "Sharon Webb" <shawebbATnospamyhc.edu> 
To: <kundalini-lATnospamexecpc.com>, "a s" <beisamATnospamjuno.com> 
Subject: Re: creative block??? 
Message-ID: <00f001bde449$7091f0c0$b0d11fa8ATnospamsharonwe> 
Content-Type: text/plain; 
 charset="iso-8859-1" 
 
Freda,
 
I can't help but wonder if your prob isn't kundalini related.
 
you wrote: 
>When I was in my early twenties, my ex decided he was gonna sell some of 
>my work... not the portaits, but other work I did. I told him no, he sold 
>them anyway and when I got angry he refused to let me draw or paint ever 
>again....
 
So now, you have all these wonderful ideas for pictures, but you can't get 
them out.  I think maybe the ideas and inspiration are coming from k...and 
the block from anger.  You produced pics, and then your ex sold them.  He 
stole them from you.
 
Have you tried meditating and asking why this is happening?  It seems to me 
that the wonderful flow of ideas, and the damming up of them is a way Shakti 
is choosing to get the pot boiling and let all those old hangups bubble up 
to the surface.
 
>I dont think it is like writters block because the desire is there, the 
>ideas are there, the pictures are in my head, everything feels normal 
>until I try to do it, then I get feeling icky and cannot continue.
 
I know a sculptor who works in bronze, clay, wood, and stone.  She reached a 
point where she couldn't touch clay.  It was a block based on something that 
happened when she was a child.  When she recognized it, she began to enjoy 
working with clay again.
 
Maybe you could try a different medium.  Maybe collage?
 
Love, 
Sharon 
Date: Sun, 20 Sep 1998 18:52:10 +1200 
From: Jax <jaxxATnospamihug.co.nz> 
To: beisamATnospamjuno.com (a s) 
Cc: kundalini-lATnospamexecpc.com 
Subject: Re: creative block??? 
Message-Id: <3.0.3.32.19980920185210.0074ed34ATnospampop.ihug.co.nz> 
Content-Type: text/plain; charset="us-ascii"
 
Freda, you wrote: 
> 
>Hope ya don't mind a new voice here in your conversation about your art. 
>I have been wondering what is going on with mine. 
>However, about 5 years after the divorce I was encouraged to doodle or 
>scribble  as part of my therapy and a whole new style came about...  
>hundreds of pictures came from a few years of *compulsive* drawing and 
>painting... very theraputic.. I did this from about 1991 until about 8 
>months ago when in the middle of doing a painting I just stopped. Unable 
>to get back to it. 
>Again and again this is happening now. I am driven to start, get maybe 
>half the way done and cant finish.  
>Any suggestions? 
>freda
 
Hi, hope you dont mind me jumping in here too!  With your stopping a 
painting before its finished - I'm wondering what sort of internal 
'payoffs' you may have set up for yourself here.  What would be the risk or 
the worst thing that might happened if you finished a painting?  Breathe 
deeply and think on this one... 
It makes me said to hear the way you cannot do what you obviously love.
 
...jacqueline 
Date: Sun, 20 Sep 1998 01:12:49 -0700 (PDT) 
From: caroline wilson <myspecial1ATnospamyahoo.com> 
To: kundalini-lATnospamlists.execpc.com 
Subject: Re:beware spooky dream kudalini rising 
Message-ID: <19980920081249.4228.rocketmailATnospamsend1b.yahoomail.com> 
Content-Type: text/plain; charset=us-ascii
 
Dear K list, 
My first experience with k - awakening started about 3 years ago, i 
was asleep and having a dream  
i dreamt i was in the street at night, a very black night, when 
shadows look bottomless,the void. I looked across the road and saw a 
man all in black, pretty stocky and formidable in shadows and 
darkness, he was looking at me, though i could not see his face, a 
dark presence he was. I stepped off the pavement to walk across the 
road and seemed to plunge into the deepest hole in the world, which 
woke me up as i jumped off the bed about 4 feet, from that moment on i 
have gotten spasms up my spine starting at my base chakra which varies 
quite a lot in intensity, but always makes me jump plus a host of 
other symptoms, painful left big toe,excruciating itching left leg, 
hot spots, hot flushes, realisations,spontaneous yoga poses,tingling 
crown, feelings of extreme devotion to God,feelings of overflowing 
love that almost make me weep, bouts of depression and pain etc... 
The reason i tell you this is because i met that dark man i dreamt of 
( i had forgotten about the dream when i met him) and we started going 
out,8 months later- i became pregnant and had a miscarriage three 
months later, three weeks ago we broke up in a very nasty and 
frightening way, he got violent and lost the plot, my parents had to 
come get me out while he was at work, i was so terrorfied that i 
thought the worst and was even prepared to leave the state, now we 
have been talking and i have decided to stay with my job -being the 
most stable thing in my life and all this happened within 2 weeks of 
me turning 28 years old - Saturn return? 
The week before my (now)expartner lost the plot i had a deja vu and 
was reminded of the dream, we were walking in the street and it was 
the blackest night i ever saw/felt - there he was the dark man and i 
was quite disturbed. 
The last year has been the worst year of my life,lots of 
troubles,harrassment and rip offs, like i had the worst Karma. 
Now I am breathing a great sigh of relief and glad of my family and 
friends and the wonderful things that happen to bring me back to 
myself, God of my Heart. 
It is like i have ignored all the signs i was given about this recent 
relationship, literally ignored my inner voice, turned my back on god 
and myself, why i did it - i am finding out. 
I am back, I will always listen to my inner voice and take heed of my 
dreams, feelings and messages i get. 
I used to be devoted to my own personal growth, meditation, the 
spiritual path, since i was very young i have been attracted to 
spiritual stuff, i was 16 when i started reading about kundalini- then 
that happened. 
I am so grateful for this list and to be able to read everyone's 
letters and be able to respond. 
 
Does anyone have any comments about the way in which  kundalini 
started from a dream, message. 
My dreams always tell me stuff. 
Last night i was dreaming i was running away from him and he kept 
stopping me. I never escaped in my dream. 
lots of love  
Caroline
 
 
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Date: Sun, 20 Sep 1998 09:29:17 -0600 
From: nancy <nancyATnospamwtp.net> 
To: a s <beisamATnospamjuno.com>, kundalini-1 <kundalini-lATnospamexecpc.com> 
Subject: Re: creative block??? 
Message-ID: <36051F45.22E4E4BFATnospamwtp.net> 
Content-Type: text/plain; charset=us-ascii; x-mac-type="54455854"; x-mac-creator="4D4F5353" 
 
Hi freda,
 
> I dont think it is like writters block because the desire is there, the 
> ideas are there, the pictures are in my head, everything feels normal 
> until I try to do it, then I get feeling icky and cannot continue. 
> Any suggestions? 
> 
I don't know if I have a suggestion, but I do have an explanation. I'll 
call it creative post-traumatic stress.
 
Here's my theory. When we are forced to put aside that which makes our 
heart sing (whether that's writing, drawing, healing, business), it 
causes great stress to us. In order to cope, we have to shut down a part 
of ourselves.
 
Then, years later when the reason we quit has been removed, we still 
don't want to go there. It's too painful.
 
Example: I was forced to give up my business. I didn't want to, but I 
had to. A lot of very unpleasnt things happened in my life at the end of 
the business. About six months ago, I began talking to a colleague about 
a business idea. It's a great idea and the two of us would have made a 
fabulous team. At first, I was excited. Then after a conversation, I 
literally went into a panic about going into business. I wasn't even 
thinking about quitting my job at that point. This was just talk. 
Nonetheless, it was very real. All the feelings bubbled to the surface 
from that time in my life when I did have my business. I was so 
stressed, I told him I couldn't do it.
 
For the past two years, I have cut all contact with those people who 
were associated with me as a business person. I never go in the building 
where I had my office. I even changed my name because that old Nancy is 
dead.
 
Perhaps your ex forcing you to stop your drawing created trauma for you. 
Maybe you don't want to complete a drawing because deep down you feel 
that the finished pieces could be taken away without your consent.
 
I think it's a healing process. In order to move beyond the stress, I 
know I have to learn how to reintegrate and heal that abandoned part of 
myself--Nancy, business tycoon. Maybe you have to do something similar.
 
Just a thought.
 
Nancy
 
 
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