1998/08/16 10:47
kundalini-l-d Digest V98 #569
kundalini-l-d Digest Volume 98 : Issue 569
Today's Topics: Re: Fear (Kristen) [ WEIVODAATnospamaol.com ]
Less and less [ "Paul West" ] AutoPost from Kundalini Resource Cen [ Palanivelu s/o Ramiah ]
AutoPost from Kundalini Resource Cen [ flutter ] Re: Fear (Kristen) [ Mystress Angelique Serpent ]
Re: How to say? [ "janpa tsomo" ] Re: Fear (Kristen) [ WEIVODAATnospamaol.com ]
Re: Fear (Kristen) [ WEIVODAATnospamaol.com ] Re: Fear (Kristen) [ Mystress Angelique Serpent
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In a message dated 8/14/98 11:25:11 AM Pacific Daylight Time, ImtgxxxATnospamaol.com
writes:
>So glad to hear you are feeling better these days and getting back to your >love of skiing.
I have nothing else to focus on for my life, so I decided maybe I should get
back and try and focus on something else like my skiing, and by pass everything else.
>As I was reading this last post of yours, it sounded like the SAME words you
>used while working on facing your fears recently of your past growing up >issues.
>Seems to me that you have projected those fears onto your skiing. Once aware >of that (if it is true and I'm sure it is), you may find facing the fear of
>skiing much easier than those of the past knowing (with this awareness) that >if you face one, you face them all.
That is very true about that. I always did hide everything behind my skiing,
it was an escape, but also a release to. I focused all my attention to skiing and being the best that I could, and when I did that all my other problems
disappeared. All I thought about was skiing, and so I would never see the pain of life around me, I would only see my skiing everyday, nothing else.
I think, maybe this time, I am trying to hide again behind my skiing, and not face the pain of life around me. At the same time though I am scared to return
and hide my fears, cause I know my knee might not hold up, and that, I will be left with facing all these pains that I have tried to hide.
While I am trying to deal with all of this....my coaches keep applying more pressure, and frustration everything. I know the fist time back training, I
wont be number one, I will have to work and fight to get there. As I am trying to solve everything else, and then have this on top of my pains, I am going
insane in a way, or more less feel that way. Kristin
Date: 16 Aug 98 03:35:54 +0000 From: "Paul West"
To: kundalini-lATnospamexecpc.com Subject: Less and less
Message-Id:
Hello.
Please enjoy recent abundance. I don't seem to decide to write this stuff anymore.
I was just having a look at some text of things that UG
Krishnabumfluff sais. I got some way but I just sort of lost interest really. I read it through before and it had some effect unfortunately.
Hmm. To be honest I think I'm getting bored of the idea of enlightenment and especially of placing certain people on pedestals.
Like all these supposed guru's and wise people and so on, I think I feel more equal about them like they're down to my level. They
used to be my heroes but I think they're letting the side down. Getting really tired of aspiring to the imaginary height of
imaginary people who live in imaginary places some imaginarily long distance away on the other side of the planet.
I see walls tumbling and doors opening to the brotherhood of man. I
used to view neighbours as `other' but I feel closer now like those people are my friends, my `brothers' as it were, equals, in the same
boat. I see more and more people piling into the same boat, like all the doors open reveal that in fact it's just one giant room full of
doors with all the people standing on the same floor. I used to view people in over countries as thoroughly `other', really different, but
I just start to feel now that they are just people really like me, just humans, just sort of buddies, like we're in it together. I
feel like i could be there for and with them. Not such distant strangers anymore. That's cool. Famous people are looking different
too, more accessible. I don't think there's anything special about them really. I was never interested in any of that stuff.
I never really wanted to be particularly spiritual in actual fact, as
I always find myself admiring the people who are just simply getting on with their lives and not paying much attention to all the crap
about how you have to behave and all that. Not that they have it entirely right but it's closer than the kind of drippy arseholes I see
mascuerading about the place in their "poetic romance" about being spiritual and doing stuff that spiritual people do. It might seem
like hell is unfolding but in a way the increasing masses of atheists is sort of a blessing. Mass worship of God isn't meant to be a
feature of our lives I don't think cus that sort of drives God away. I went onto spiritweb IRC chat, the people there are quite caught up in
some sort of 1970's hulluballoo and new age stuff. But I figure they're just people anyway, the gang, friends. Three cheers for a
reduction in otherness!
It's kind of interesting becoming sociable, not something I am known for by any stretch of the imagination. Seems I don't view people by
way of their appearence very much anymore. The appearence is something entirely different to what is actually there. I've seen that. I
continue to see that. The memory and the thing are totally distinct and the memory is knowledge. Can't be arsed with knowing about God and
stuff anymore, it's kind of boring really. I think he is too good at playing hide and seek. He cheats as well! There are some real tits
about, especially it seemed in that `Iam' mailing list, who are really into all sorts of techniques and breathing and meditation and all that
stuff but my intuition says that's not something I'll ever have much to do with. Sometimes that gets me down, feeling left out, or left in
rather. But of course it's me that has something missing, something not there that those other people have. I always investigated wether I
should have that stuff and I always had to, because it was never assumed. I don't like assumptions.
I see some people here talking about yoga breath and stuff. I don't
know about that. I tried some breathing stuff a few years ago and various energy things happened and that but it's only a bunch of
experiences in the end. I'm no thrill seeker. That also has worried me, as there is envy and admiration for those who do it and live like
that but it's a bit too enthusiastic if you know what I mean. It might surprise you to know that I've never really had very much to say. A
man of few words. I write loads of stuff, sure, but only because I type fast and just spend a little while here and there doing this,
musing on about some old general stuff that isn't particularly professional in the spirituality stakes, but so what eh. Down to
earth, close to mother nature, goddess, whatever you call it. I don't think I'm every gunna be one of those spiritual kind of people :-)
It's real genuine though, you know, this that I feel, my view of
stuff. You can't pretend that you don't know. I don't know much stuff, which is why I don't use all these wierd eastern terms and all that. I
never really feel the need or desire to aquire that stuff and I don't think that's such a bad thing, although it does bother me a bit
because I don't know that I am okay. And it's not knowing that can be some kind of hell but also heaven. It's wierd. Can't figure it out
myself. There is deep faith here but I don't know why. I feel I just want a really simple life. I feel a bit left out of the whole river of
commotion about civilisation. The years roll past the same lump of rock the rock doesn't go anywhere. 1970's, 1980's, 1990's, it's
make-believe progress.
I'm getting a bit annoyed with kundalini, it keeps doing stuff. Seems better when nothing's happening. I'm sure that when it is doing some
work that's a bad thing - means there's something wrong. I hope I'm not a sadist but mostly I don't know wether to get better or worse
because it all seems to take you in both directions at the same time. Maybe I don't even really know anything. There's lots of knowledge and
memory and stuff about how things have worked but it's not really anything.
Anyway, sorry I don't think I made any real point here. I like that
colgate flavour. Pass me the cheese will you? I feel really, really ameteur at this spirituality thing and I might be getting worse at it.
It's a bit boring really. Seems to be all a bit manmade. I prefer natural stuff. Do tell me how you are. I'm getting interested. Nice to
know there's other people in my world. I'm letting you in, door's open, walk this way. Togetherness is nice. There's not much else to do
really so I suppose we just pass the time. Not much point doing useful things, easier to be lazy. Stuff can be attended to when necessary but
otherwise I don't see what the fuss is about. Sombre man, chill out. :)
--
Paul.
IRC: #amiga, Dalnet: #blitz WWW: http://www.stationone.demon.co.uk
E-M: paulATnospamstationone.demon.co.uk Date: Sat, 15 Aug 1998 21:30:34 -0600
From: nancy To: WEIVODAATnospamaol.com, kundalini-1
Subject: Re: Fear (Kristen) Message-ID:
Content-Type: text/plain; charset=us-ascii; x-mac-type="54455854"; x-mac-creator="4D4F5353"
WEIVODAATnospamaol.com wrote:
> I have nothing else to focus on for my life, so I decided maybe I should get
> back and try and focus on something else like my skiing, and by pass > everything else.
Doesn't sound like using skiing as an escape will work this time, Kristin.
> At the same time though I am scared to return
> and hide my fears, cause I know my knee might not hold up, and that, I will be > left with facing all these pains that I have tried to hide.
You can't go back to that old way of being. You know that. That's good!
> While I am trying to deal with all of this....my coaches keep applying more
> pressure, and frustration everything. I know the fist time back training, I > wont be number one, I will have to work and fight to get there.
Boy, if that's the reality of skiing for you, why in the world would you want to
do it? I can imagine sacrificing for something I love to do. Doesn't sound like you're there with skiing. Or are you? Do you absolutely love skiing? Does it make
you feel free, high and empowered? Is this the expression that it brings into your life? If so, start focusing on that. Forget about the coaches. Forget about
being number one. Enjoy this time.
I, like tg, remember a time about a year or so ago when you were depressed because you couldn't ski. Now you are depressed because you have to live up to
some expectation. Put aside those expectations this time, Kristin. You've gained and grown so much in the past year. Remember what you discovered as you
recuperated from your injury. Remember the strength you found inside from your friend's senseless death, even though outside you were crumbling. You have become
tough as steel by exposing your vulnerabilities. We can all see that.
> As I am trying > to solve everything else, and then have this on top of my pains, I am going
> insane in a way, or more less feel that way.
You are not comfortable yet with living your strengths as a vulnerable woman. It will get easier. In the meantime, find your joy in skiing. Express your
frustrations to the list and your many friends who love you dearly. We are all behind you, Kristin, whether or not you are a skiing champion.
Nancy
Date: Sat, 15 Aug 1998 18:04:51 -1000 (HST) From: Palanivelu s/o Ramiah
To: kundalini-lATnospamexecpc.com Subject: AutoPost from Kundalini Resource Center
Message-Id:
I am 39yrs old from malaysia, I was initiated by Gnanavallal Paranjothi Subramaniam ( Self Awareness Centre Malaysia)in the year 1993 with Kundalini
yoga meditation, since then without any expectation I followed his teaching with faith as years passed I begin to feel the change in me, my understanding
power has tremendously improved,fast thinking, and getting to know my inner self better, learning to aligning with nature's law. Day by day I am learning and heighten
my thought through experience.Experience lead to wisdom.
Thank you.
Date: Sat, 15 Aug 1998 18:58:48 -1000 (HST)
From: flutter To: kundalini-lATnospamexecpc.com
Subject: AutoPost from Kundalini Resource Center Message-Id:
Hello!
I have some questions about Kundalini. I tried a video and I really like it. I am very new to all of this. Where do I begin learning more? Thank-You Flutter Date: Sat, 15 Aug 1998 18:59:08 -1000 (HST)
From: flutter To: kundalini-lATnospamexecpc.com
Subject: AutoPost from Kundalini Resource Center Message-Id:
Hello!
I have some questions about Kundalini. I tried a video and I really like it. I am very new to all of this. Where do I begin learning more? Thank-You Flutter Date: Sat, 15 Aug 1998 19:39:59 -0700
From: Mystress Angelique Serpent To: WEIVODAATnospamaol.com
Cc: ImtgxxxATnospamaol.com, Kundalini-lATnospamexecpc.com Subject: Re: Fear (Kristen)
Message-Id:
Kirsten, Darlin' you do spin yourself into some tangles, eh? :)
At 07:47 PM 15/08/98 EDT, WEIVODAATnospamaol.com wrote:
> I have nothing else to focus on for my life, so I decided maybe I should
get >back and try and focus on something else like my skiing, and by pass
>everything else. Bwahahahahaha... there is nothing, then there must be nothing to bypass,
yet you are bypassing everything else.. so what is the nothing/everything you are bypassing? Goddess has put you in a place where you can do
nothing but stare at your navel lint, eh? Mebbie that is what She wants you to do? Focusing on nothing is a fine Zen tradition for Kundalites. Very
worthwhile. You have a choice, to stop driving yourself and being self-directed..
and wait in silence for another path to be shown. >
>While I am trying to deal with all of this....my coaches keep applying more >pressure, and frustration everything. I know the fist time back training, I
>wont be number one, I will have to work and fight to get there. As I am trying
>to solve everything else, and then have this on top of my pains, I am going >insane in a way, or more less feel that way.
>Kristin >
Well, I hear your belief that being #1 is going to have to be a tough fight.. and so that is what you will manifest. Your resistance. I
understand about getting right back on the horse that has thrown you, and overcoming fear, but not about bowing to the demands of your coaches, to do
it. They have their own agendas, they are the trainers who take credit for
the accomplishments of the winning mare. If she breaks a leg and must be shot, then they will simply get another one.
There is another option: Ski for pleasure. No competition. No approval, no cheering crowds and medals and trophies.. except from
your Self. Let somebody else take their turn at being #1. Mebbie the horse threw you, coz it is plumb worn out, and knows it's time it was put out to
pasture. Your accident was no accident, coz there aren't any. What I see, is you used to hide in Ski racing, and Goddess bust yer
kneecaps to get you to stop.. that is a measure of your stubbornness. Will She need to break your neck, next time, to get you to hold still and study
your Self? I hope not, but I do wonder. If you keep doing what you've been doing,
you'll keep getting what you've been getting. Time for a change.. Date: Sun, 16 Aug 1998 10:15:50 +0200
From: Danijel Turina To: kundalini-lATnospamlists.execpc.com
Subject: Introduction Message-Id:
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Forwarding a message from Evelyn Niedbalec:
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From: "Evelyn Niedbalec" To: dturinaATnospamhempseed.com
Subject: Introduction Date: Sat, 15 Aug 1998 16:06:10 PDT
Hi all!
My name is Evelyn and I just joined the list and feel inclined to
introduce myself and why I joined. I won't put everything in cuz it will just take tooooo dang long! A couple of years ago, I began having
these weird "dreams" in which I left my body and went places, like to the edge of the atmosphere or into the dog. Sometimes I had strange and
beautiful tingling in my whole body. Just before Xmas, the experiences became more common. In addition, I began having strange leg cramps
while sleeping so that I would wake up in the morning with a pulled muscle and not even know why! (a few times, I woke up during the cramp,
but usually not)
In December, I found a post about out of body travel and I realized that what was happening was "real." I began attemping to have more travels
because it was fun. As I had more, I began having strange headaches most days between my eyes, I who never gets headaches! I assumed it was
side effects of my asthma medications...
Several months ago, I found out that my internet penpal lived in California nearby so we met. He had a kundalini awakening a year ago at
the Monroe Institute (for exploring altered states of consciousness). When I met him, we shook hands, and a strange shock went through me, and
I had great difficulty carrying on an intelligent conversation after that. (don't think it was full kundalini awakening though). I had 3
times more OBEs after meeting him for several weeks. Didn't sleep much and headaches got worse, then shifted to top of head. Began seeing
energy fields around objects. Then had crazy moods shifts for several weeks but realized it was kundalini thing and managed to get a grip on
myself by dealing with past fears etc.
Still dealing with old stuff, but pretty stable now. Headaches have abated, but now I have energized feeling in head and feel a little dizzy
a lot of the time. I am seeing white flickering matrix energy thing on everything now which may be contributing to the dizzy feeling. This
last week, I wake up in the middle of the night feeling dog tired and take all day to recover, like I must be doing something energy draining
during parts of sleep.
Anyway, its been a wild and crazy ride this year for a former seeing is believing, pure science kinda person. I am recently learning about
meditation, but haven't made much progress. I also listen to hemisync tapes from Monroe inst, which aid in altered states of consciousness,
and give faster results. My main prob with meditation and the tapes is that I often fall asleep! Anyway, that's the short version, believe it
or not! -Evelyn
______________________ Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com
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E-mail : dturinaATnospamgeocities.com Homepage: http://www.geocities.com/Athens/Forum/1377
Date: Sun, 16 Aug 1998 09:04:14 -0700 From: "Gehrich's"
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maryannemgATnospamworldnet.att.net Date: Sun, 16 Aug 1998 09:18:42 PDT
From: "janpa tsomo" To: kundalini-lATnospamlists.execpc.com
Subject: Re: deeper breath cycles Message-ID:
Content-Type: text/plain
>Date: Sat, 15 Aug 1998 12:18:38 -0700 >To: kundalini-lATnospamexecpc.com
>From: John Heckenbach (by way of Mystress Angelique Serpent )
>Subject: deeper breath cycles >
> (you sent this to the -0wner address, John...) >
>As a new reader to the mailing list, I have the following questions >
> Has anyone felt COMPELLED ? > or other-wise INSPIRED ?
> to lengthen the normal breath-cycle (inhale-retention-exhale-hold ) > to TWO breaths per minute ?
> or ONE breath per minute ? > or ONE breath-cycle per TWO minutes ?
> > SIGNED = QUERIOUS
i have never actually tried to time my breath cycles, but i do know when
samadhi hits things slow *way* down.
Couple of things: in my martial arts training i have noticed i do not get winded as much as my fellows. i can naturally relax easily and
replenish my body's need for O2.
When im under stress and not doing my meditational practises like i should be, i tend to almost feel like im hyperventilating. Unlike Jan i
am the junk-food addict of the K list. My body will rebell occasionally and remind me that i cant do that all the time w/o consequences, notably
meditation stamina tends to zoom downward the monkeys of the mind are agitated. i may get down or obsessed on something really stupid. Yes i
do think this all comes from food in part. Last retreat i went on, i spend the week or so before cutting out most junk food, restricting
myself to a vegetarian diet w/o any strong spices or such things. It helped. i do tend to think if i ate like this more often i'd have less
problems with energy 'explosions' or nrgquakes. it feels more like things popping through a clogged water pipe than an explosion :)
not the expert here, just my observations.
maitri, (sanskrit for 'lovingkindess' here i mean 'with lovingkindness')
--janpa
______________________
Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com Date: Sun, 16 Aug 1998 09:29:22 PDT
From: "janpa tsomo" To: kundalini-lATnospamlists.execpc.com, dturinaATnospamhempseed.com
Subject: Re: How to say? Message-ID:
Content-Type: text/plain
i believe the mantra for windows is something like
o!
followed by the blue screen of death.
but since o! is part of 'om'....even windows has something to contribute to this path :)
bill gates is the Patience Dakini!
(grin)
--jt
______________________
Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com Date: Sun, 16 Aug 1998 12:59:30 EDT
From: WEIVODAATnospamaol.com To: nancyATnospamwtp.net, kundalini-lATnospamexecpc.com
Subject: Re: Fear (Kristen) Message-ID:
Content-type: text/plain; charset=US-ASCII
In a message dated 8/15/98 8:24:45 PM Pacific Daylight Time, nancyATnospamwtp.net
writes:
>Boy, if that's the reality of skiing for you, why in the world would you want to
>do it? I can imagine sacrificing for something I love to do. Doesn't sound like
>you're there with skiing. Or are you? Do you absolutely love skiing? Does it make
>you feel free, high and empowered? Is this the expression that it brings into >your life? If so, start focusing on that. Forget about the coaches. Forget
about >being number one. Enjoy this time.
I absolutely love skiing. I love it more than anything, everything about it I
love. The fear, the adrenaline, the challenge, I love it all. Skiing makes me feel everything I always wanted, a freedom, an empowerment, what ever I need I
always can find it in my skiing. I have been thinking more about how it makes me feel, and how my body feels right before race, and right before I hear
racer ready, all those feelings I have been trying to focus on, but it gets hard though with everything else. I keep trying, I don't want to give up, or
give in,
>I, like tg, remember a time about a year or so ago when you were depressed >because you couldn't ski. Now you are depressed because you have to live up
to >some expectation. Put aside those expectations this time, Kristin. You've
gained >and grown so much in the past year. Remember what you discovered as you
>recuperated from your injury. Remember the strength you found inside from your
>friend's senseless death, even though outside you were crumbling. You have >become tough as steel by exposing your vulnerabilities. We can all see that.
Very true..good point. Strange thing though, I don't find out for a month if I
can even ski, but I am already flipping before I even know my outcome. I gotta stop doing that. I will just see where everything leads I guess.
Kristin
Date: Sun, 16 Aug 1998 13:07:39 EDT From: WEIVODAATnospamaol.com
To: serpentATnospamdomin8rex.com, Kundalini-lATnospamexecpc.com Subject: Re: Fear (Kristen)
Message-ID:
In a message dated 8/16/98 12:16:29 AM Pacific Daylight Time, serpentATnospamdomin8rex.com writes:
>Bwahahahahaha... there is nothing, then there must be nothing to bypass,
>yet you are bypassing everything else.. so what is the nothing/everything >you are bypassing? Goddess has put you in a place where you can do
>nothing but stare at your navel lint, eh? Mebbie that is what She wants you >to do? Focusing on nothing is a fine Zen tradition for Kundalites. Very
>worthwhile. >You have a choice, to stop driving yourself and being self-directed..
>and wait in silence for another path to be shown.
I don't need my oath to be shown. I know the path I want, and with my drive for it, maybe I will get the path I want, but maybe not, I don't know. I learn
which path is best, but I have take a few wrong turns first. So maybe this time its a wrong turn, but I am willing to find out.
>There is another option: Ski for pleasure. No competition.
I can't do that right now, maybe later though, but right now, no, its not want
I want, but it maybe what I am left with later. For right now, I am attacking for what I want.
>No approval, no cheering crowds and medals and trophies.. except from
>your Self. Let somebody else take their turn at being #1. Mebbie the horse >threw you, coz it is plumb worn out, and knows it's time it was put out to
>pasture. Your accident was no accident, coz there aren't any. >What I see, is you used to hide in Ski racing, and Goddess bust yer
>kneecaps to get you to stop.. that is a measure of your stubbornness. Will >She need to break your neck, next time, to get you to hold still and study
>your Self? >I hope not, but I do wonder. If you keep doing what you've been doing,
>you'll keep getting what you've been getting. Time for a change..
Not yet, but maybe later I give number one to someone else, but right now, I still want it, and don't know if I can still get it, or what may happen as I
try to get it, but I am willing to find out. I would like to find out. So maybe later but right now, not yet.
Kristin
Date: Sun, 16 Aug 1998 10:36:14 -0700 From: Mystress Angelique Serpent
To: WEIVODAATnospamaol.com Cc: kundalini-lATnospamexecpc.com
Subject: Re: Fear (Kristen) Message-Id:
Content-Type: text/plain; charset="us-ascii"
At 01:07 PM 16/08/98 EDT, you wrote: >In a message dated 8/16/98 12:16:29 AM Pacific Daylight Time,
>serpentATnospamdomin8rex.com writes: >
>>You have a choice, to stop driving yourself and being self-directed.. >>and wait in silence for another path to be shown.
> >I don't need my oath to be shown.
This is an interesting typo.. did you make some vows that are coming back to haunt you? Vows can be dangerous, they are resistance.
>>I hope not, but I do wonder. If you keep doing what you've been doing,
>>you'll keep getting what you've been getting. Time for a change.. >
>Not yet, but maybe later I give number one to someone else, but right now, I >still want it, and don't know if I can still get it, or what may happen as I
>try to get it, but I am willing to find out. I would like to find out. So >maybe later but right now, not yet.
> >Kristin
> Wanting creates experiences of wanting, having creates experiences of
having. Which is the preferable retirement? Going out with style while you are on
top, (Goddess already provided that for you), remaining number one in history coz you retired while you were on top, and so no-one can ever beat
you.. (count your blessings) or crumbling as you slowly fall down the charts, getting older with younger skiers beating you? How do most ski
racers retire? Thru injury, I bet.. The expression that comes to mind, is, "Quit while you're ahead."
Blessings on your path, Mystress
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