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1998/05/25 06:09
kundalini-l-d Digest V98 #403


kundalini-l-d Digest Volume 98 : Issue 403

Today's Topics:
  Re: Fear of Death [ Paul West <paulATnospamstationone.demon.co ]
  Re: The Force of Self-Realization [ Paul West <paulATnospamstationone.demon.co ]
  re: scared/help [ Druout <DruoutATnospamaol.com> ]
  Re: scared/help [ Kristin <Kristin aol.com> ]
  Re: Scared/Help [ TAvalon <TAvalonATnospamtexas.net> ]
  Re: Jenny and the crybaby post [ Kristin <Kristin.com> ]
  Re: Scared/Help [ Kristin <Kristinaol.com> ]
  Re: Scared/Help [ Kristin <Kristinnospamaol.com> ]
  Re: Scared/Help/and crybaby [ Mystress Angelique Serpent <serpent ]
  Re: I humbly beg to disagree about b [ Mystress Angelique Serpent <serpent ]
  AutoPost from Kundalini Resource Cen [ Shakyamuni <deftones5ATnospamaol.com> ]
  Re: Aura colors [ "Joseph Miller" <joemillerATnospamhotmail. ]
  RE: The Force of Self-Realization [ "Jan Barendrecht" <janbarenATnospamcorreo. ]
  thanks! [ jenny.hillATnospammail.utexas.edu (Jenny) ]
  Thanks all for your support and a be [ jenny.hillATnospammail.utexas.edu (Jenny) ]
  REMOVE BODY HAIR PERMANENTLY!! [ flowsATnospamstuff.com ]
Date: 24 May 98 23:59:11 +0000
From: Paul West <paulATnospamstationone.demon.co.uk>
To: kundalini-lATnospamexecpc.com
Subject: Re: Fear of Death
Message-Id: <3568B44F.MD-0.196.paulATnospamstationone.demon.co.uk>

Dear Susan,

> In reading your long posts I see that you often answer your own
> questions. I would suggest substituting the word "I" every time you have
> used the word "you" or "myself" for "oneself". It may make things
> clearer for you to see.

When I am writing I deliberately substitude `I' for impersonal words
in an attempt to be less egotistical or to talk about myself too much.
I know that I answer my own questions, but in some way I am not asking
the questions for my own benefit, or indeed writing at all for my own
benefit. I am trying to give it to others. Maybe I'm wrong to do that
I don't know. I do know that writing messages is often a journey in
itself. I don't think I often write with foreknowledge or any specific
point. That's maybe why it often sounds pointless or rambling.

> It is interesting to me that you write in terms of being taken by force
> and doing violence to your self. It amazes me that many people speak of
> the path of understanding the true essence of who they are in this way.

I didn't mean to imply force, I meant to imply an intensity of
passionate embrace, an ecstacy, a fire of spirit. I don't like
violence at all.

Love and light and bits of delight

--
Paul.

IRC: #amiga, Dalnet: #blitz
WWW: http://www.stationone.demon.co.uk
E-M: paulATnospamstationone.demon.co.uk
Date: 24 May 98 23:48:54 +0000
From: Paul West <paulATnospamstationone.demon.co.uk>
To: kundalini-lATnospamexecpc.com
Subject: Re: The Force of Self-Realization
Message-Id: <3568B1E6.MD-0.196.paulATnospamstationone.demon.co.uk>

Bozzi:

> Jerry wrote:
>
> > "We have some idea of how
> > Kundalini can play itself out in everyday life; how so with knowledge of
> > the Self?"
>
> Kundalini removes the splinter from the eye so awareness of Self is possible.

I can relate to that more deeply than you can imagine. 11 years ago
there was an accident and my best friend's brother ended up with a
stick in his eye. It was most upsetting. Nothing was ever the same in
my life after that. And then, once K arrived, nothing was ever the
same again, again.

--
Paul.

IRC: #amiga, Dalnet: #blitz
WWW: http://www.stationone.demon.co.uk
E-M: paulATnospamstationone.demon.co.uk
Date: Sun, 24 May 1998 19:11:45 EDT
From: Druout <DruoutATnospamaol.com>
To: kundalini-lATnospamexecpc.com
Subject: re: scared/help
Message-ID: <163032e0.3568a932ATnospamaol.com>

Here's a quote from the Whole Earth Catalogue Oct 1980. (helped me way back
then in an unrelated matter!)

>From Cutting through Spirtual Materialism by Chogyam Trungpa

Compassion automatically invites you to relate with people, because you no
longer regard people as a drain on your energy. They recharge your energy,
because in the process of relating with them you acknowledge your wealth, your
richness.

Love, Hillary
Date: Sun, 24 May 1998 20:10:31 EDT
From: Kristin<KristiATnospamaol.com>
To: divine_goddessATnospamhotmail.com, Kundalini-lATnospamexecpc.com
Subject: Re: scared/help
Message-ID: <ca1b46d7.3568b6f8ATnospamaol.com>

In a message dated 98-05-24 13:59:09 EDT, you write:

>I think Kristin has every reason to be angry...if she chooses to feel
>so. Anger is a powerful fire that helps to cleanse the soul and gives a
>great release of energy that otherwise turns inward and eats away like a
>cancer.

I am not really angry though, I am more frustraded than anything, and also
confused.

>It will get better if you want it to...but nothing seems to operate on
>the time schedule we/I want it to...such is life.

I want to get better, more than anything!

Love,
Kristin
Date: Sun, 24 May 1998 19:11:35 -0500
From: TAvalon <TAvalonATnospamtexas.net>
To: kundalini-lATnospamexecpc.com
Subject: Re: Scared/Help
Message-ID: <3568B737.422BF46AATnospamtexas.net>

pam roberson wrote:
>
> Drats. I wrote a rather lengthy reply to Kristen's response to Tg's
> post, and I hit send before Cc'ing the K list. I really wanted to post
> that to the entire list. So here's a quick summary.
>
> I don't feel that tg is being judgemental. According to her post, she
> has spent some time talking w/Kristen privately, and others evidently
> have talked with Kristen as well. So what else is someone to think
> when they listen with compassion, give advice to lead the person
> towards helping themselves, and the person doesn't heed the advice?

Come on guys, this isn't rocket science. It's blaringly obvious that she
is in the middle of Major Depression. She is doing exactly what those in
the throes of major depression do. She isn't able to do what people tell
her because she barely has the strength to BREATHE ! She is finding the
strength to not die, for now. She needs to reach out to wherever and
whatever she can to garner whatever strength she can get so she can get
through another day. The stellar (sarcasm, yes) advice given to her by
imtgxxx could well take away enough of that energy to keep her from
having enough to get through the day.

Kristin,

Look, Kristin, this is a spiritual issue. However, the place that you
are in right now requires very specific specialized stuff. You wouldn't
go to a priest to get your car fixed, would you? Go talk to your
therapist, now. Tell him/her that you are at the end of your rope and
that you are thinking about suicide. You haven't said that directly but
it's screaming out of your letters. You are whining, just as imtgxxx
said, but you're also begging, screaming for help. Now, please scream to
those who can help you (therapist, family, people you can look into
their eyes - not the cyberpeople. Not even the cyberkundilites) Major
depression is an illness and it can kill you. You may even need medicine
while you get back on your feet. When you can find a ledge to rest on
for a while, then resume the climb up the spiritual hill.

Depression is very, very hard to live with. It's even harder to get
over. I hope you can find the strength to take the next step, to get the
help you need.

Blessed Be,

Terri Avalon
Date: Sun, 24 May 1998 20:21:41 EDT
From: Kristin <AATnospamaol.com>
To: NancyATnospamwtp.net, kundalini-lATnospamexecpc.com
Subject: Re: Jenny and the crybaby post
Message-ID: <4918f3d9.3568b997ATnospamaol.com>

In a message dated 98-05-24 14:22:24 EDT, you write:

>I don't know why you think we need to know all the details before we
>understand what's going on. The details of your situation aren't really
>the point. Do you really need to know every little innuendo about why my
>life fell apart to get this message? I could explain that my husband was
>an asshole, and my friends didn't support me, and I had to move without
>any help...I could go on and on and on. Who really cares about why this
>stuff happens? It's the awareness that's important.

I do not think you need to know all the details to understand what is going
on, just some e-mails I have recieved, I have been about how I have been not
telling the whole story, and so o, things like that. So that is whay I posted
that.

Okay thank you!

Love,
Kristin
Date: Sun, 24 May 1998 20:46:55 EDT
From: Kristin <AATnospamaol.com>
To: margolisATnospamtransbay.net, kundalini-lATnospamexecpc.com
Subject: Re: Scared/Help
Message-ID: <6a5eae61.3568bf80ATnospamaol.com>

In a message dated 98-05-24 15:19:23 EDT, you write:

>It seems to me that you spend a lot of energy worrying about who you are, who
>you seem to be, how people react to you, why things are bad, what can I do to
fix
>these things, what I need do right now, how can I make this better...etc...

I do spend a large amount of time thinking about who I am, cause right now I
am not to sure. I never spen to much time or energy on how people react to me,
its not worth my energy to do so. Of course I am trying to think of many ways
I can fix my problems, and what can make this all better.

>Set all of this worrying aside. Set aside your calls for help. Set aside
the
>well-meaning replies you've received. Just stop it for one second and don't
worry
>at all. Just take a deep breath.

I can do that.

>It sounds like you don't have much practice meditating or flexing these
mental and >emotional muscles. But over time if you try this maybe you won't
have to take >yourself and your depression so seriously.

I have much practice with meditation, it;s the only thing that has got me
through all my years of ski racing, and some pf my problems.

>Not everything can be fixed...Or another way of looking at it is that
>everything is already solved you shouldn't have to fight with it. This
doesn't
>mean don't make the effort. It means solve only the problems you can come to
grip
>with. You CAN'T fix your knee. You can make it stronger, you can make it
more
>flexible, you can adjust yourself to the new way your knee is. You are now a
>different person physically than you were before. This person may or may not
be
>able to ski as well as the old you. This person may be able to ski better,
>because they know how to focus and work things through in a different way.
Your
>emotional trauma is the same as the knee injury. You can't fix it. You can
>strengthen yourself. You can adjust yourself, and you can let work through.
It's
>over now, you just need to let the repercussions settle.

I know that many problems can not be fixed. I have learned to accept that one.
I know I can not fix my knee, and I am not trying to, cause it won't work. I
understand what you are saying about my emotion problems are like my knee
problem, but I find it hard to compare it in all means. I have been tryin to
adjust myself, and I am slowy.

>It's very important that you remember these things will pass whether you
worry

I know this will pass.

Kristin
Date: Sun, 24 May 1998 21:02:08 EDT
From:Kristin <ATnospamaol.com>
To: TAvalonATnospamtexas.net, kundalini-lATnospamexecpc.com
Subject: Re: Scared/Help
Message-ID: <d6421d66.3568c311ATnospamaol.com>

In a message dated 98-05-24 20:14:32 EDT, you write:

>Look, Kristin, this is a spiritual issue. However, the place that you
>are in right now requires very specific specialized stuff. You wouldn't
>go to a priest to get your car fixed, would you? Go talk to your
>therapist, now. Tell him/her that you are at the end of your rope and
>that you are thinking about suicide. You haven't said that directly but
>it's screaming out of your letters. You are whining, just as imtgxxx
>said, but you're also begging, screaming for help. Now, please scream to
>those who can help you (therapist, family, people you can look into
>their eyes - not the cyberpeople. Not even the cyberkundilites) Major
>depression is an illness and it can kill you. You may even need medicine
>while you get back on your feet. When you can find a ledge to rest on
>for a while, then resume the climb up the spiritual hill.
>Depression is very, very hard to live with. It's even harder to get
>over. I hope you can find the strength to take the next step, to get the
>help you need

I am seeing a therapist right now, the same one who followed me through my
major depression last year. I must say though, I am not thinking about suicide
any longer that past by, the second I looked at where it got me last year when
I attempt to kill myself, I just ended up in the hospital for sometime. I do
not want to return to where I was last year, not one bit. I would speak with
family, but it might help if I had some. Today, I started to take medicine
once again, I am not to wild about it, but it will help.
Love,
Kristin
Date: Sun, 24 May 1998 14:07:33 -0700
From: Mystress Angelique Serpent <serpentATnospamdomin8rex.com>
To: "Gloria Lee" <samyanaATnospamhotmail.com>
Cc: kundalini-lATnospamexecpc.com, pamie59ATnospamyahoo.com
Subject: Re: Scared/Help/and crybaby
Message-Id: <3.0.5.32.19980524140733.00964700ATnospamdomin8rex.com>
Content-Type: text/plain; charset="us-ascii"

At 12:00 PM 24/05/98 PDT, Gloria Lee wrote:
>Yes, she is. It gets very frustrating to the "helper" to just hear
>repetition of "Nothing works and I am still in pain." This may be a
>time for sitting with her pain and not trying to "fix it". If so, it
>would give both Kristen and TG a break from all this "going in circles"
>to just have permission to stop trying to fix it.
 
>With love,
>Glo
>

  Beautiful.
  There is an excellent book about how to do life called "Wishcraft".. lent
it out, don't remember the author.. a woman..
  She advises that sometimes what is needed in the case of "hard times" is
a supportive listener who will allow you to bitch and rant and cry and
rail, without trying to "fix" it, until you are tired of complaining and
ready to go on to something more positive.
  I know who my best friends are, they will let me do this when i need to,
and I will be patient in turn for them. Sometimes the easiest way to sort
out thoughts is to talk them to death and see what is left.. to sort my
thoughts out loud until they come to coherence. I do this writing, too..
but speaking and writing use different parts of the brain.
  (soundtrack and visuals: Peter Gabriel, "Digging in the Dirt" video.)
  There is a time for all things.. including a time to bitch and complain
and listen to country music.
   Gotta watch out for that "what somebody else needs" stuff..
    Blessings, Mystress.
Date: Sun, 24 May 1998 15:10:20 -0700
From: Mystress Angelique Serpent <serpentATnospamdomin8rex.com>
To: Kristin<ATnospamaol.com>
Cc: jenny.hillATnospammail.utexas.edu, kundalini-lATnospamexecpc.com
Subject: Re: I humbly beg to disagree about being a crybaby (was
  Scared/Help)
Message-Id: <3.0.5.32.19980524151020.00963b90ATnospamdomin8rex.com>
Content-Type: text/plain; charset="us-ascii"

At 11:46 AM 24/05/98 EDT, Kristin wrote:
> I have to say those post have made me think, and one
>thing it has brought across my mind, is why did I finally open up to people,
>and large group of people, cause right now, it seems like its hurting more,
>maybe I should just put up my wall again. I am not sure now at all, I am
>confused, and feel like I am saying more than I would like.
>
>Love,
>Kristin
>
  Yup, that's ego for ya.. trying to protect an illusory image.
  But you cannot control what another person thinks about you.
 That's just the way it is.. unless they allow it, and we don't..
  What other folks think of you has Zero to do with you,
   and everything to do with who they are.
  You already know this, in looking to see where they are coming from..
  And it is futile coz all you can know about them are the reflections of
yourself you see.
  So of course it must lead you back into your own stuff.
  Round we go.. I suspect tho that you are not able to put up walls
anymore, that is why you are scared.
  You opened up because you had no other option.. you need support right now.
   That's allright. We're here.
    Blessings, A.
Date: Sun, 24 May 1998 17:59:30 -1000 (HST)
From: Shakyamuni <deftones5ATnospamaol.com>
To: kundalini-lATnospamexecpc.com
Subject: AutoPost from Kundalini Resource Center
Message-Id: <199805250359.RAA26984ATnospamhaleakala.aloha.net>

before duality, NON
before Enlightenment, Blindness
We cannot escape the tug of that unto which our souls will not go undisclosed.
The greatest wisdom is that of compassion.
Therefore, forsake ignorance
But first crawl up on your cross, forsake the EGO
How do you eat your body of Christ, your Holy Communion?
I found mine
at the base
of my spine
Date: Sun, 24 May 1998 21:53:05 PDT
From: "Joseph Miller" <joemillerATnospamhotmail.com>
To: annfisherATnospamstic.net
Cc: kundalini-lATnospamlists.execpc.com
Subject: Re: Aura colors
Message-ID: <19980525045305.8837.qmailATnospamhotmail.com>
Content-Type: text/plain

>Ann: Looking at this post again, I see I wasn't clear enough, so I want
to
>add to it.
>
>I think we have been talking about two different things here. I'm not
>talking about vajra nadi or the K. in that nadi.
>
>I'm talking about the energy known as vajra (dorje). It's the energy
of
>the causal (soul) level, and it works through visuddha (throat center).
>Everyone agrees that vajra is blue. It is an extremely heavy energy,
but
>once it is distributed and established in the body, there is a feeling
of
>great depth and fullness.
>
>When you are established on visuddha level, people with the vision see
you
>surrounded in blue or as all blue. You can feel it - feel the blue in
the
>body and around it. And you can use vajra - see with it, eat it,
direct it.

Ann,

Thanks for this expanded post. It has given me something to check out
and do more research on. I've never heard of Vajra energy, except as a
shorthand way of referring to Kundalini in Vajra or to one of the Vayus
of Pranna moving through Vajra.

What is your source of a third kind of energy labeled Vajra energy? What
school is that from?

Yes, I'm being lazy. I have commitments out the yin-yang this week and
any time I can save I'd like to. This is much more interesting than any
of that stuff I get paid for, but as I said that other stuff is what I
get paid for.

Namaste,

Joe

______________________
Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com
Date: Mon, 25 May 1998 09:24:37 +0100
From: "Jan Barendrecht" <janbarenATnospamcorreo.infase.es>
To: <umbadaATnospamns.sympatico.ca>
Cc: <kundalini-lATnospamlists.execpc.com>
Subject: RE: The Force of Self-Realization
Message-ID: <000001bd87b6$8ed58f00$74f14dc3ATnospamjb>
Content-Type: text/plain;
 charset="iso-8859-1"

 Jerry wrote:
<big snip>

> So, Harsha, it has become clear to me that while there is great support
> in this list for Kundalini, because many have known and studied it and
> have incorporated it into their lives -- because it is the Kundalini
> List! -- the same support for attentiveness to the Self or I Am is not
> so evident. Perhaps some list members, while fully knowing of the Self,
> have no need to discuss it; perhaps others have yet to see how that
> quality of attention becomes integrated into life.

> So my question for you -- or anyone -- is "We have some idea of how
> Kundalini can play itself out in everyday life; how so with knowledge of
> the Self?"

Discussing K. related issues is easy, because it belongs to phenomenology.
Discussing issues about Self all too easily leads to sterile, useless
arguments like " Self cannot be attained - it is". It is forgotten that this
isn't the viewpoint for one who hasn't experienced it and usually the one
with the argument cites it from a book. IMO this is one thing to be avoided.
It is also possible that many are perfectly happy with their present status
of K. and do not want more.

> That is what people want to know. How is it going to help them become
> sexier, richer, slimmer, healthier? It sounds like selling-out, but, if
> I have come to know you at all, what you want to communicate is not
> merely a pleasant reading or a few nice thoughts. You want to get down
> with The Self like they're getting down with Kundalini. So do I.

Self-realization will make sex and riches irrelevant, as these things cannot
add to the experience of everlasting bliss. Because the body has been a
loyal servant during the spiritual journey and still can serve others (as
seen from the viewpoint of the others), one will take care of it in a
responsible but detached way, so it will be slim, strong and healthy. BTW,
for a Self-realized one there are no others and detachment is a misnomer.
There is nothing left to detach from (showing how easy it is to get into a
sterile discussion).

> If this is not the place to discuss it, and others are interested,
> perhaps we can take it to a newsgroup.

As K. can be seen as a ticket to bliss everlasting, discussing
Self-realization in relation to K. would make sense to me. Discussing issues
about Self only can easily lead to philosophical hairsplitting or
controversies with other philosophies, as can be witnessed in several NG's.
As the proper practice with K. by itself will lead the the goal, from this
perspective non-dualism is but one way to explain one's state. So IMO
discussion in a K. oriented forum is preferable.

Jan
Date: Mon, 25 May 1998 03:46:41 -0500
From: jenny.hillATnospammail.utexas.edu (Jenny)
To: kundalini-lATnospamlists.execpc.com
Subject: thanks!
Message-Id: <v01530507b18ea2d31c76ATnospam[128.83.154.66]>
Content-Type: text/plain; charset="us-ascii"

>Date: Sun, 24 May 1998 12:00:38 PDT
>From: "Gloria Lee" <samyanaATnospamhotmail.com>
>To: kundalini-lATnospamexecpc.com, pamie59ATnospamyahoo.com
>Subject: Re: Scared/Help/and crybaby


>Glo here: ..... Yes, one does get weary
>of trying to help and feeling the advice is not listened to .(.teegee
>is not lacking in compassion) but part of this "difficulty" is that
>there is no way out or around this pain of Kristin's..her old escapes
>are blocked..the only way out is the last place she wants to go..and
>that is INTO the pain.

Yes, and when one is going into the pain, it can be hard to do anything but
complain about how awful it is.

>My humble opinion is that this is rather
>difficult to assist Kristen via email in the first place..tho I have
>seen some truly excellent replies here from a variety of people. We all
>have a "story of suffering" and David Bozzi is right in that the details
>are not the real issue, just the raw emotion she is feeling is what
>needs to be worked with. This is scary stuff for anyone. I would wish
>for Kirsten to both continue posting and sharing here..(trust that many
>are sending help in many forms ..okay Kristen?) and to find someone in
>her REAL life to share and assist her with facing her pain.

Yes, yes, yes, and yes.... thanks so much for this Gloria, it's nice to
hear that someone else understands this. I agree that a mailing list might
not appear to be the optimal circumstance for the kind of help Kristin
needs... but Spirit has such a unique plan for each one of us, and
apparently this is the appropriate help for Kristin at this time. When I
went through my time of great darkness, I could trust almost no one, but
Spirit led me to the one person I could trust, and then later it got easier
to trust others.

Kristin, I'm guessing that right now there is no extraordinary human to do
this with you in person, at least no one that you know personally, except
those on this list. And believe me, it does take and exceptional and
extraordinary human, far beyond what even most therapists are capable of.
That special someone must be able to sit with you in your pain, as raw and
horrendous as it gets, and not try to fix it or run away from it, but just
witness it and hold the you in a good light, knowing that what you are is
doing is perfect. Don't feel bad because your friends and others around you
couldn't do this for you... it's a lot to ask-- most people can't do it,
unless they've already been where you're just now going, and most people
have'nt been there.

>> "It would
>>appear that Kristin isn't ready to help herself. Only she knows
>>the reason for that."
>>
>Well, this seems to be the case only because Kristen says she HAS
>already tried many of the things being suggested to her. This too is
>rather complex to sort out and understand ..all we can do is love
>Kristen while she is going thru this..it is tempting to do a "hurry up
>and get well" routine.. it may be hard for Kristen to really hear what
>is being said to her, when she is in so much pain.

Yes, yes, yes Gloria! the thing is, if you've always been one who could and
did take care of everything for yourself, who did always "pull yourself up
by your own bootstraps" then the test is NOT to fix yourself... but to go
through the expereince of being broken and losing all the control that was
so important to ego... so Spirit can finally step in and run things.
Kristin is apparently most imminently ready to help herself...
paradoxically because she has no choice now but to exist in the pain. The
"here's what you can do to fix things" approach will not work, since
getting over "fixing herself" is the whole point of this pain.

> It gets very frustrating to the "helper" to just hear
>repetition of "Nothing works and I am still in pain." This may be a
>time for sitting with her pain and not trying to "fix it". If so, it
>would give both Kristen and TG a break from all this "going in circles"
>--to just have permission to stop trying to fix it.

Thank you so very much, Gloria, for this. I didn't have to contend with
others telling me to hurry up and get better, or "why aren't you doing the
things that would help?" but I did have to contend with a whole lot of that
coming from my own head... one piece of my torture was my ego screaming
"GET A GRIP!!!"
This feeling made me feel like I deserved to die, I was unworthy to
continue to exist, no one who was as big a mess as me deserved to continue
breathing. Kristin has reiterated the same feeling. The situation that
she's in, and that I was in, is a paradox, one that's hard to understand
unless you've been there....

I am so greatful that you are here Gloria.

Jenny
Date: Mon, 25 May 1998 03:47:04 -0500
From: jenny.hillATnospammail.utexas.edu (Jenny)
To: kundalini-lATnospamlists.execpc.com
Subject: Thanks all for your support and a belated delurking
Message-Id: <v0153050bb18eb35eff68ATnospam[128.83.154.66]>
Content-Type: text/plain; charset="us-ascii"

Hi folks....

I just want to thank all of you,lurkers and nonlurkers, who responded to me
about my "crybaby" post. I dashed that post off to the list in a moment of
being centered in Spirit (maybe the same as "I AM" Harsha? I definitely
want to get in on the "I AM" /Self discussion, by the way!) and later when
I re-read my post, my poor frightened ego was alarmed by how much I had
revealed to a group of strangers. What a wonderful validation and healing
of old ego wounds to receive all of your kind support and empathy. I was
weeping some healing tears by the time I finished reading the first batch
of replies.

I thought I had delurked to this group recently-- maybe it's been quite a
while ago, and you haven't heard from me much since then. Anyway, a couple
of years ago when I first found this list I posted an introductory note
detailing my first K "explosion" (as Paul would say). You can read it at
this URL:

http://www.execpc.com/~libra/kund/a_jenny.html

namaste

Jenny

****************************

the tao which can be spoken of is not the tao

****************************
Date: Mon, 25 May 1998 06:24:59 -0500
From: flowsATnospamstuff.com
To: ATnospamexecpc.com
Subject: REMOVE BODY HAIR PERMANENTLY!!
Message-Id: <199805251124.GAA04856ATnospamz.mx.execpc.com>

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