1998/04/20 21:10
kundalini-l-d Digest V98 #314
kundalini-l-d Digest Volume 98 : Issue 314
Today's Topics:
loba's long intro-put the coffee on. [ "loba kola" <lobakolaATnospamcsrlink.net> ]
Re: loba's prelude [ valerie cooper <madammumATnospamptialaska. ]
Re: Truth and Love [ Harsha1MTM <Harsha1MTMATnospamaol.com> ]
loba's intro pt 2 rocks & lucidity [ "loba kola" <lobakolaATnospamcsrlink.net> ]
Date: Mon, 20 Apr 1998 23:05:47 -0400
From: "loba kola" <lobakolaATnospamcsrlink.net>
To: <kundalini-lATnospamexecpc.com>
Subject: loba's long intro-put the coffee on....
Message-ID: <034601bd6cd2$68f599a0$645cadd1ATnospamrocksoup>
Content-Type: text/plain;
charset="iso-8859-1"
note: i am sending this to two different groups that i feel this is
appropriate to send to as my intro (but have sent them seperately so as not
to incur wrath :)
ok, here goes, (loba standing up and taking a deep breath)
i am loba kola. i am an aquarius and i am not sure how to proceed! :)
let me start from the begining (the crowd yawns and 'oh boys'). i have many
vivid memories from as early as 1 1/2 years of age. my parents are amazed
that i have memories that i was 'too young' to have, but they concede that
my memories are valid. i remember my parents bringing me to their friends
house for them to play cards. i was placed on the couch and fell asleep.
when they woke me, they were all standing around me laughing and 'aw'-ing at
how cute and funny i looked because my legs had fallen asleep and they were
trying to get my shoes on me. i hadnt understood the humor. i remember
the large woman with the long black ponytail whose home it was. i remember
being taken out to the car and put in my seat up front between my parents (i
know, not proper placement for a babyseat) and seeing the night sky through
the windshield. hearing the words in my head, sentences, that i was saying
in my head about the sky, but not knowing how to say them. no one believes
that. but it is true. and it was very cold in the car that night. when i
was two i fell and my two bottom 'pumpkin teeth' went through my bottom lip.
i remember that. my twin brother and sister were born when i was two and
1/2 and i have most of my memories from that time on because i had to help
my mother; holding ones bottle, entertaining, being mean to them, etc. i
remember the day she brought them home: i said, "i dont like em, take em
back." at three i had my first lucid dream and i still remember it very
vividly (im a young adult now). in this dream experience, i walked from my
bedroom in the tiny trailer we lived in then and went into the bathroom. i
looked into the mirrored doors of the cabinet that was standing on top of
the toilet (i was physically too small to be able to see in them yet) and
saw my absolutely terrified horrified reflection. at what i was horrified
about, i still do not know. but i knew i was asleep and awake at the same
time and was paralyzed and knew i had to wake up to be able to move again.
as a small child, i "had a way with animals" that still is my core center
today; i make fast friends with strange dogs and other animals. (human
animals too). when i was just a baby my mother said her dog had had puppies
under the bed and i was crying and the dog refused to allow my mother near
me or her puppies, i guess to her i was one of her pups too. and when i was
a baby my aunt had a collie/shepard mix that liked absolutely no one but her
and me. he killed neighborhood cats and small dogs. he was a terror of the
town. he allowed me to grab hold of his fur and hang on as i learned to
walk. he walked slowly and stopped for me. he was in charge when i was in
his vicinity and wouldnt let my mother, father, uncles, cousins, no one,
around me. my aunt was the only one able to convince him to give me up when
it was time for me to go home.
my other aunt's horses were my pals too. a colt named holy smoke (who has
visited me in a dream setting) was the king thing when i was a child. a
cream colored guy with dark chocolate patches, mostly blonde mane, and dark
brown eyes. he was a wild beautiful child. i wanted to be a horse so bad
so i could be worthy as a being in his eyes. as an eight year old, id get
down on all fours and eat grass like him. i thought if i mimicked his
movements and habits, id turn in to one like him. watching him rear up in
his pasture and then take off like a rocket and whinny at us all to dare to
come play with him, i had to find a way to become a horse (i have now, in
dreams, a little scarily, just found myself doing it) holy smoke refused a
saddle and rider almost everytime. but he understood the fragility of
children. my aunt would put me on his bare back and tell me to hold on to
his hair and she'd hold on to him and me and the two of them would slowly
walk around with me on his back. i was a queen! his mother was a dark
chocolate paint with cream patches named twinkle, and she had magnificent
blue eyes. she was the most gentle patient creature ive ever met. how she
conceived holy smoke is a mystery. there were no males on the farm. the
pasture was fenced off. maybe a neighbor horse fell in love and hopped the
fence and then hopped back over before morning :) in my dream experience a
few years ago, long after holy smoke had died, i was standing in my kitchen
looking out through the door into my backyard. it looked so misty and
enchanted with dark greens and purples. holy smoke was down at the end of
the enchanted yard and saw me. he began to walk to me and his eye kept
getting closer and closer until he was almost against my face with his eye.
i could see the hourglass shaped pupil and the brown of his eye and felt it
was my eye. there is more a communication in all that, i feel i understand
the message subconsciously, but im not sure i do consciously, does that make
sense? like the other lucid dreams, i knew this one to be different than
regular dreams of mine. it was far too vivid for even waking consciousness.
more real more alive more something. i have had so many of these
other-than-dreams that i am able to immediately tell which is just a dream
and that that is something other than a dream.
strange experiences in our old house:
we moved when i was four to a huge old house and the entire family had many
phenomenal experiences there and we have these experiences anywhere we live
now. there was stained glass all around the front door in the foyer that
when the sun shone through, i had to race to make sure it fell on me so that
it wasnt wasted. sometimes i was already there waiting for it. i can still
recall the campbell soup smell as my mom made lunch for us, and i was
becoming special with my colors on. all the colors of the rainbow fell on
my arms, face, my whole body. i knew it was more than just a game to me.
those colors stayed on me for most of the afternoon, except only i could
tell. and i *had* to do it or miss out on something important. i felt
such, love, i guess is the word, when those colors fell softly on me. i was
in such wonder of it. it was a gentle quiet yet powerful thing to me. in
that old house, we could hear someone walking around in the attic at night
when we all went to bed. i wondered if they were making sure their old
clothes were still there and imagined them looking at the old dresses and at
their old photos. (i still have the old photos) we could hear someone
walking up and down the two landings-worth of hardwood steps at night after
we all went to bed. my sister and i shared a room, and our bedroom door,
when it was opened all the way, leaned against the closed closet door on the
other side of the corner. which was right next to my headboard. i always
had to wait until the lights of the buildings outside went out before i felt
like i wasnt missing anything and could go to sleep. i was lying there one
night, and heard a <click> ---- in the dark my closet door was opening,
which meant the bedroom door was closing. i yelled and shook my sister
awake and she began to yell. my parents came running in and it stopped.
after my dad investigated, he gave his template explaination: cold air
draft. that cold air draft is something to be able to turn a knob. one
night when my dad was out of town, my mom awoke to feel a hand grab her
ankle from under the bed and start to drag her off of it. we awoke to hear
her yelling and we all ran into her room. lights on, her looking under her
bed. nothing there. another time my 4 year old brother woke us all with a
piercing scream one night. he said he had been awakened to a pushing
sensation on his back and found that he was sitting up. accompanying this
pushing on his back was a whispery voice, "lets get this one lets get this
one." we all had mcdonald (!!!! i said a bad word....) dolls. i had
ronald, my sister had grimace, my brother had the hamburglar. he swears to
this day that thing talked to him. he was terrified of it. he said it made
that "rubble rubble" or "robber robber" or whatever that sound was it made
on the commercials. (this was long before poltergeist came out). my mother
had taken down clothes one day when all of us kids except my new baby
brother were in school, and brought them upstairs to put away. the always
locked attic door at the top of the stairs was wide open and the skeleton
key was still on top the ledge of the door. she ran back downstairs and
waited for my dad to come home. another time my parents held a holiday
party at home where all my relatives were overnight, all of us kids, the
cousins, all of us, were sent to bed. the adults kept hearing giggling and
running around and kept yelling up at us to settle down and go to sleep. my
mother says that finally, my dad and uncle go upstairs to tell us in person.
they come back down and my mother says they were white as ghosts. "those
kids are all fast asleep...." another time my baby brother was in his
wheeled seated walker upstairs with my mom and the gate for the stairs had
given way somehow and he went down to the first landing of stairs and
stopped and never tipped over. and yet another wierdness was when my
spotless grandmother who was compulsive in her cleaning, had washed the
windows when we first moved in and the next day was wiping kid-fingerprints
off the kitchen window she had previously cleaned and wanted to know which
kid was scratching up the windows. upon closer inspection, they saw that
the name, "irene" had been scratched in handwritng on the inside of the
kitchen window and it wasnt there the day before. the only spector anyone
actually saw was one my mom saw. we had a parlor off to the living room
with big thick wooden doors that slid into the walls, and my parents put a
pool table in there. so we called it the pool room. one night my mom had
stayed up to watch tv and saw that in the pool room was an old man finely
dressed and he was walking around and around the pool table like he was
confused and was trying to find his way out of the room and looked to be
saying something to my mom. but she never heard a sound. she said she
wasnt at all afraid of him and that it all was actually kind of pretty. i
crave to be back in that old beautiful house and sometimes go there in
dreams. in dreams it is very dark and very ominous, a very very strong
presence in there and it is boarded up. i have never yet made it inside.
in 3-d, it is no longer there. when my parents divorced, they sold the
house and it was torn down and a parking lot was placed there.
experiences with deceased relative at the old house passed down generation
to generation on both sides of my family:
hattie was my great grandmother on my moms side and when the 72 flood hit,
im told she was so determined that not even the flood was going to make her
leave the house. but she was dragged out anyway. at any rate, when my
father owned the house, and i was there watching tv with him and my
brothers, minnie, my brothers black cat suddenly stood up on my brothers lap
and looked toward a door to a closed room, hissed, growled, and ran
upstairs. we all looked at each other. we knew to respect minnies
instincts and smiled and waited for whatever was to happen next. that door
suddenly opened and a cold air draft (i bet dad was happy) came out of it.
and it stunk. like moldy dirt. first of all, the doorknob would have had
to be turned, second of all, the door opened in to the room. how can a
draft turn a knob, pull a door open, and then push air out? it was hattie
alright. and minnie knew it. another hattie visit was when my sister and i
lived there and we shared the attic as our room. our beds were on opposite
long sides of the room but our headboards were against the same wall. on
that wall was a fan shaped mirror with a butterfly magnet on it. it acted
like a music box, when you wound it, it played music, and the butterfly
skated on the surface of the mirror. we were in our beds holding our
nightly gab session before drifting off when, in the darkness, we heard the
floorboards creak in the area between our headboards. "did you hear that?"
i whispered to my sister "yeah" she said. and then the sound similar to a
tablecloth being ripped out from under dishes was heard and then <SMASH>
the butterfly mirror had crashed to the ground. up we went, turned on the
light, no one there. mean old hattie didnt allow mirrors in her house, said
they were of the devil or something.
we were made to go to sunday school as children to give mom a day off. i
remember as a 7 year old child being told that being under 10 years old, my
brother and sister and i would have to stay downstairs in the 'little
church.' i insisted the 'big church' was just fine for all of us and i
would take them up there. i did. i remember i had my hand-crocheted purple
and orange poncho with fringes that my mother made me on. i held each of
their hands and walked them up the blood red carpeted steps to the 'big
church.' we quietly sat down. there was a big fat sweaty preacher up there
at the podium screaming and pounding his fist and his eyes were bugging out
of his head like he had a fever. he was yelling about hell and fire and
brimstone and sin and god taking vengeance. i was in shock. not afraid.
but in utter disbelief. even as a seven year old child, i felt i knew
better about what he was talking about than he did. i looked around at my
friends' parents at their frightened or guilty faces and felt such pity for
them. this was a bit frightening for me as a 7 year old to feel pity for
adults who should have known better than me, but didnt. and i felt anger
toward the preacher. i felt he was a liar. a storyteller to make my
parents friends believe such crap. and i felt awful for insisting on taking
my brother and sister to hear it. i strongly disliked him for more that i
didnt quite know about. he repulsed me even then. none of us kids ever
went to church again. about a decade later he was charged and found guilty
of child sexual abuse that he had committed against little boys in the
congregation for the length of his tenure at that church. i believe that
children especially are very receptive to the energy one emits. and i
picked up on it alright.
this has already been so long that i didnt even get to anything of my own
personal wierdness. i'll end this post now (hey! did i hear clapping out
there?) and send another, a part 2 :) hehehehehe
loba kola
Date: Mon, 20 Apr 1998 19:09:15 +0000
From: valerie cooper <madammumATnospamptialaska.net>
To: loba kola <lobakolaATnospamcsrlink.net>
CC: kundalini-lATnospamexecpc.com
Subject: Re: loba's prelude
Message-ID: <353B9D4E.7174ATnospamptialaska.net>
loba kola wrote:
>
> :) i just wanted to warn everyone i am about to introduce myself. i
> started to write about some experiences and it turned into 3 pieces. they
> are a little lengthy. i hope to hear some insight from all of you on any of
> the wierdnesses ive addressed :) i am in a spin. but thats really nothing
> unusual for me come to think of it.... another warning: i am a young female
> adult, right-brained, eldest-born-of-four aquarius, who probably has a.d.d.
> ( i have been known to get lost just rounding the block in manhattan where
> my mother now lives and just went with it and had a good time exploring
> knowing i would eventually find where i was headed to) now where was
> i.....oh yeah, i also definitely had too much coffee today. when i get all
> hopped up on coffee it translates into my writing. read the three at yr own
> risk :) hehehehehehehe thanks in advance for yr patience.
v: okay hi loba kola! welcome to the 'totally right-brained club'!
maybe we should start a new newslist named 'Lysdexics Untie'!
:-)
--
for what it's worth;
valerie cooper
http://www.geocities.com/SoHo/7982/index.html
Date: Mon, 20 Apr 1998 23:09:44 EDT
From: Harsha1MTM <Harsha1MTMATnospamaol.com>
To: umbadaATnospamns.sympatico.ca, hlutharATnospambryant.edu
Cc: kundalini-lATnospamexecpc.com
Subject: Re: Truth and Love
Message-ID: <2ccb463c.353c0dfaATnospamaol.com>
In a message dated 4/20/1998 7:43:25 PM Pacific Daylight Time,
umbadaATnospamns.sympatico.ca writes:
<< Jerry: Yes. It is okay to say Truth is beyond Love, and Truth and Love
are the same. That is clear. I accept either one and both together and
neither one, all at once.
Harsha: I guess you are on pretty safe ground there Jerry! Happy to have you
on the right track. All I can say brother Jerry is that you are very deep and
very profound! Now how about the possibility that Love may be beyond Truth.
Let us mix that in with the permutations that you neither accept or reject
(that you simultaneously deny all at once and none together) :---))
Jerry: The forest is big with people moving through it. It doesn't matter
which
tree falls, there's somebody there to hear it. Truth is the space the
forest is in. Love is every living and non-living thing in the forest.
Anything can happen in the forest, including total annihilation of every
living and non-living thing. You still have the space the forest
occupies. That is Truth. Unchanging, including all things and
possibilites.
Harsha: Love is that Self, that Great Spring of Joy which swallows up all
Space and Truth which is unchanging, including all things and possibilities.
The Great Wave of Love swallows up the Truth and reveals It Self to be the
Truth. By the way, my second Goddess poem explains the swallowing up of Space
by Love. See below.
< Hello Harsha, i've put your poems at:
http://www.telebyte.nl/~frans/kundalini/poetry.html
They made me feel young again!
>>
Date: Mon, 20 Apr 1998 23:23:17 -0400
From: "loba kola" <lobakolaATnospamcsrlink.net>
To: <kundalini-lATnospamexecpc.com>
Subject: loba's intro pt 2 rocks & lucidity
Message-ID: <037401bd6cd4$d4c21e40$645cadd1ATnospamrocksoup>
Content-Type: text/plain;
charset="iso-8859-1"
i have a very very stong pull to rocks. when i was a child, i collected
them. i dug for them everywhere all the time. they are little pieces of
bones of mother earth. when i found the special ones, id put them in my
mouth to 'clean' them. one time in my diggings i found a marble. 'cleaned'
it and accidentally swallowed it. didnt 'clean' rocks like that anymore.
my home is full of beautiful special rocks i have found (or who have found
me) from all over the country. i had a pony rock once (had holy smokes
colors) that i found in washington state and i took to va beach and found
that it communicated somehow to me that it was to be given to someone there.
i certainly would not have chosen on my own to do it: it was my beloved
pony rock. it was hard to part with it, it was my favorite. but i found
the person it was to go to, a waitress at a pancake house! there was
something about this older woman. she glowed or something. i discovered
later after i gave it to her that she was involved in the edgar cayce
research at the center there. her photo and credits were in the booklet we
had picked up there. she had never told us that as we spoke with her about
the town and where she recommended us to visit. after we left town, we went
to the chesapeake bay, and there i found my beloved pony rock again. in a
little smoother and smaller form but more vibrant in color than before. of
my rocks, i can tell you which ones feel warmer or cooler or heat up with
life within faster. they have different vibes to them, different
'personalities?' my heart shaped rock has crystal lines wrapping around it
that come to the center of the rock and form a crystal heart shape there on
the surface of the heartshaped rock. this rock is very very cold to the
touch at first, like icey metal, but she warms very fast in the hand, and i
swear to great spirit and mother earth, i feel a heart beat very strong from
it when it warms. so do others who i have hold it. i do not experience
that from my other rocks. i have offered my blood to it on the crystal
heartshape in the center and sealed that with candle wax. i had the closest
relationship with another living being with my fourlegged feline furry
little mom, wolf. i do not wish to spread her energy thin by writing too
much about her, but i will say that she died in my arms dec 7, 1997 after
living with me ten years. she has physically, and in the dream realm,
visited me since. i have rocks with strange markings on them like crosses
and x's all over their surfaces. these are the rocks that form the circle
on the floor where i held her against my heart as she passed to the other
side. in that circle is my pony rock and my turtle rock. ilahyw.
where i live is n.e. pa and there are many fossils here. in fact, my
hometown of williamsport, pa is where the fish fingers fossil was found.
the fish fingers fossil is of the oldest known vertebrate to have lived on
this continent. i recently dreamed that my brother brought me the matching
fossil (the other hand of the fish) and that as i marveled at the fossil, it
became email that i was holding in my hands (spending too much time on the
pc maybe ;) white background, black font with blue highlighted underlined
links. it was a letter from the fish whos fingers were in the fossil. and
i was happy at what i read and thought as i read it how i would share the
message with everyone because i would remember it when i woke up. but i
didnt remember the contents when i woke up.
i have had many lucid dream experiences, and like many of you who have
described other presences around you, that is almost always a factor in my
experiences. i have sleep apnea. that means that for some reason, i become
too relaxed and my through muscles collapse in upon themselves. im
discovering in readings that what may cause that is that there is a buildup
of carbon dioxide in the airways and lungs in some patients. when i enter
this realm/state, i am in between awakefulness and sleep. it has only twice
happened while i was on my stomache, all the other times i was lying on my
back and my head was too flat. when it happens, i feel a heavy cool drop
somewhere in my center and hear a very loud buzzing sound and i know that i
am going into a lucid awareness and everytime i am terrified. i hear my
voice, "oh no, not again, oh please no im not breathing" but it is too late
and i am in it. i usually see myself lying there as if i am sitting beside
myself. and watch myself experience terror. and i hear me (or someone who
sounds like me) tell me "you must say something now! you must say anything
to make yourself move! you must move or you will die! say anything so you
can start breathing!" its pretty scarey. and it takes all of my will all
of my soul to manage a sound so that i can breathe, come out of it, and
move. it is extremely exhausting. the first time since the time i was 3
that i had one, i found myself having the perspective of being up around my
ceiling and seeing myself lying in bed. at first i was fascinated. then i
saw a look of terror on my face and looked to where the me in the bed was
looking to. and then i was in the perspective of the me in the bed, and i
saw a frightening negative environment where my wall was and i heard myself
tell me, "breathe! yr not breathing! say something! say anything! you
have to come out!" and i awoke to hear myself yelling "MO-m!" another
time, i was camping and we laid our sleeping bags on the ground without a
tent. i felt the heaviness and heard the buzzing and knew i was going into
one. i could see my friend over in his bag and i heard my voice, "oh no, im
not breathing....please wake me up....oh cant you see im not breathing, im
going to die in here...." and then i heard against (in) the ground many
feet running and getting louder. closer. i knew it was a pack of wolves
that were coming toward us. i tried so hard to move to wake up to get out
of it. i was paralyzed. i then felt and heard their noses sniffing the top
of my head. then i heard male human voices and the wolves were gone and i
was able to rouse myself out of it. a particular 'dark' presence experience
i had was one where i had fallen asleep on my stomache and started to go
into one. i became aware, very vividly aware of my surroundings, like every
nerve, every sense was sending out feelers from me. i was terrified because
i knew that i wasnt breathing and did not want to get stuck in this place if
i died. i was unable to move. i felt someone there and i tried so hard to
move,to breathe, to get out of it. i felt them behind me, against me and i
swear on nannys grave, i heard and felt their hot breath on the back of my
neck. i heard a pounding noise that i recognized as outside of the
experience and held onto it like it was my line to the outside. i
concentrated on it. it pulled me out of it. it was the neighbors next door
pounding on their door to be left in. and like every time, for what seems
to be 10 minutes, i am paralyzed after i come out of it. and i can feel
every bead of sweat on my upper lip. i do not understand others advice to
me to not panic. the first thing i am aware of when i hear the buzzing is
that i am not breathing. and the second thing i am aware of is that i am
somewhere else entirely than just in my room. the third thing is that i
know that if i dont start breathing, i will die and be stuck there.
ive written very much again. im going to break it up again and give you
guys a break!
loba kola
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