1997/09/07 10:46
kundalini-l-d Digest V97 #435
kundalini-l-d Digest Volume 97 : Issue 435
Today's Topics:
Interesting Dream
Re: life imitates melodrama, dammit
KUNDALINI RESUME: JOHN MADGWICK LIVING
RE: willful women
New/Spiritual Emergency
Date: Fri, 05 Sep 1997 11:16:54
From: "Brian Reuter" <BReuterATnospamus.teltech.com> (by way of Mystress Angelique Serpent <mistressATnospamdomin8rex.com>)
To: kundalini-lATnospamexecpc.com
Subject: Interesting Dream
Message-Id: <3.0.1.16.19970905111654.3b074476ATnospamdomin8rex.com>
Content-Type: text/plain; charset="us-ascii"
I have seen that some people have posted dreams so I thought I would give
it a shot. I had a dream last night (Monday) where I was at a Catholic
church for a wedding rehearsal. I was in the wedding party. While we were
there, each of us had to meet with the priest privately. When it was my
turn, I went into the room where the priest was and he happened to be the
priest at a church I used to go to. He had me sit down across from him and
started to show me a hand position (mudra?) where my fingers where
interlaced and my thumbs crossed. He then showed me some chants that he had
written down a piece of paper next to me. I couldn't get the mudra right so
he decided to try something else. He pulled out what appeared to be a book
with a red cover and gold letters. He opened the book and inside it was 3
wooden carvings. He removed one of the carvings and we went into another
room. He did something with the wooden carving and then there was suddenly
a river nest to us. This was a very clean river with large chunks of ice
flowing in it. In the water were these mammals that looked like a cross
between a sawfish and dolphin. They were called sponge maniacs. The priest
started playing this very soothing relaxing music and then had me take off
my clothes and get into the river. I laid back in the water and was
floating while the sponge maniacs pushed my upstream. The guided me very
carefully and I never hit any of the ice chunks. The water was very chilly
and invigorating but it wasn't too cold. The priest blew a whistle or
something and the sponge maniacs turned me around and brought me back. When
I crawled out of the water I felt very calm and centered and my mind was
very clear. The priest gave me a towel and he gave me the wood carving and
a piece from the dock that went into the river. Then we went back into the
room we started in. In there he started pulling out other books that were
also red with gold lettering. I remember one of the books was written by a
Tibetan lama with the last name of Rinpoche. I told the priest that I had
read Sogyal Rinpoche's book "The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying" and some
other books by the Dalai Lama. He said that Sogyal's book was very good,
almost like a work book of spiritual development. I was going to tell him
about my latest meditations on the chakras and about the book I just read
by John Selby, "Kundalini Awakening", but I felt that it wasn't appropriate
for some reason. That is where the dream ended.
What do you think of that? Any meaning to this or just an interesting
dream.
Brian
Date: Fri, 05 Sep 1997 11:08:43
From: MsSheWolfATnospamaol.com (by way of Mystress Angelique Serpent <mistressATnospamdomin8rex.com>)
To: kundalini-lATnospamexecpc.com
Subject: Re: life imitates melodrama, dammit
Message-Id: <3.0.1.16.19970905110843.3b07650aATnospamdomin8rex.com>
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Dear Hannah and John,
I haven't joined into the discussion of Princess Di's death, and I have read
that a lot of people on the list, wish to put this to rest. Your letter
coupled with something a friend said to me yesterday have led me to speak.
Princess Di was the best of the Royals. She was a wonderful humanitarian
and, in the face of ridicule and criticism, she stood her ground. She
departed from the traditional style of Royalty, which took a lot of strength.
My friend (and guide?!) said last evening that he didn't care at all about
Princess Diana's death because people who are poor are dying and no one cares
and they don't get the acknowledgement. I could not believe how shallow that
statement was, because that is and always will be. (There is always outrage
over this type of thing, like all the press that Bill Cosby's son received.)
It felt very negative for someone who has led me to this list and plans to
lead me on a more enlightened path. However, it was grieving at the time for
a young woman who is on his caseload who was just killed in a car accident.
I understand that. When I spoke my point of view and told him that I had
grieved heavily for the loss of Princess Diana, he never said anything,
choosing to ignore it and my feelings.
Princess Diana was not only beautiful, bright and effective, she was teaching
her sons to be human beings as well as Kings. Only the good die young.
Cher
Date: Fri, 05 Sep 1997 11:04:01
From: John Living <jlivingATnospamdirect.ca> (by way of Mystress Angelique Serpent <mistressATnospamdomin8rex.com>)
To: kundalini-lATnospamexecpc.com
Subject: KUNDALINI RESUME: JOHN MADGWICK LIVING
Message-Id: <3.0.1.16.19970905110401.2b279976ATnospamdomin8rex.com>
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Note that the 'w' in Madgwick may be silent !
I was born in Plaistow, London E.13, UK, about 7pm 1932DEC16. I have
always known that I had a third eye! But did not know what that meant.
It is only over the past 6 months that I learnt about chakras and
Kundalini, and recognized that my powers were more than coincidence;
only a year ago I extremely sceptical of people who claimed psychic
powers - but since I have always been proud of having an open mind, I
was open to persuasion.
At about 13-15 years I tried to leave my body; I found myself on the
ceiling looking down, and dived for cover - rather frightened ! and not
to be tried again.
I was brought up as Seventh Day Adventist, but parted company - they
said catholics were to do with the devil, but my best friends were Roman
Candles, they were better (imho) than many SDAs, so started a search for
'true god'. When I was in my early twenties this was answered by a
message: "GOD: PEER GYNT". I will elaborate on this at a later time,
but it might be interesting for you to think on this as an intellectual
exercise.
I gained entrance to the Royal Military Academy, Sandhurst (similar to
US West Point) and was commissioned into the Corps of Royal Engineers.
On the Junior Officers Course at the School of Military Engineering,
Chatham, we were taught dowsing using bent coat hangers - about 3/4 of
us were successful.
After leaving army I dabbled in real estate and took an honours degree
in 'How to be a civilian' since all that I knew about them was that did
not wear uniform - I went into politics and won a seat, which was lots
of fun, and I learnt much !
In 1965 I went to Jamaica, and landed up as Chief Resident Engineer on
a major floodway project. I had a tremendous feeling that a safety
valve must be left in case we had a flood before completion. The
contractors fought this, the consultants and Ministry of Works thought I
was being over anxious, but I stuck to my guns and threatened to leave
the job if no safety valve was made. I had no other job to go to, by
the way.
The Rio Cobre had often flooded, killing many in its time. Just
before completion, when the floodway was blocked by a railway embankment
which bureaucrats were refusing to move, we had an 80% design flood,
largest in history, but no loss of life - and I became a sort of hero
(as well as a partner in the firm of consultants !).
I left, however, and joined the National Water Authority, in charge of
planning new rural water supplies. I found my dowsing training most
useful, and extended my abilities by becoming adept at using 'Y' rods -
a help in locating new sources for villages.
At this time I was running some consultants on projects, and found
that I had a funny knack of flipping through drawings, and suddenly
stopping KNOWING that there was a serious error on a page. This saved a
lot of money by finding mistakes at an early stage.
I came to Canada 1978, and about 1983 suddenly had gout in my big
toes. Later I would often go to bed, wake up desparate to have a shit,
but nothing would come - sometimes repeating for about an hour.
In 1989 I suddenly had a big pain in the middle of my back, and my
quack sent me for Xrays - he said a piece of backbone had been damaged -
I have no clue how this could have happened.
This January I picked up a book lying around, dealing with out of body
experiences, and found that this was near-normal - so decided to have a
go at repeating my earlier success. This led me to get books from
library, and for first time I heard about chakras and then kundalini.
In March, while trying for an OBE, I was picked up in bed and shaken
all over the place, with the back hurting 'real bad' afterwards - made
me stop trying for an OBE !
Come April, I read Lee Sanella's book, and realized that the gout,
shit tries (which were not mentioned), and back problem could all be
part of a kundalini uprising ! So I decided that (just in case) I would
try to remove the blockage causing the back problem, and I started to
imagine that all my major chakras were working well. Every night I go
through them all, making sure thay are not blocked.
Well, it seems to have worked. All my chakras, including eyes 3 to 7
and their port and starboard controllers (not listed in books ?) are now
doing well, and my 3rd, 5th, and 7th eyes and double crown chakra are
VERY active.
Although they are active, they may not be fully activated - I have had
one or two minor visions, and received a couple of messages, but I
cannot (as yet) see auras/chakras, hear thoughts of people, or know the
future with certainty.
When reading about various yoga and similar exercises, etc, in books I
get feelings 'rubbish', 'could be', and 'yes - I remember that one'.
One night I had a great buzzing in my right ear, and just as I was
getting to sleep I was awoken by the cold nadi giving me a big lick on
the lower left cheek - just like a dog ! A week later my left ear
buzzed, but the hot nadi has not appeared (to my knowledge) although I
can feel it active.
I now earth myself, and imagine a connection to the cosmic centre; and
to help avoid any further bad experiences with Kundalini finding
blockages I imagine it moving right through my crown chakra.
I have discovered one very nice thing which needs to be told: when
you breathe in, imagine the top of your nose activating prana; then hold
your breath and imagine the prana descending via the nadis to the root
chakra; then while breathing out, imagine that you are pushing prana up
the spine and through the top of your head (like a fountain) and that
this is to help all the world.
After some practice, I find that I do not have to push the prana up my
spine - I can feel it rising naturally up to the lower part of my crown
chakra - but I still have to nudge it up to the upper crown chakra and
to my white lotus.
Let me explain - I have imagined a white lotus above my head, with no
centre to it, so that it encircles the imagined light-rod connecting my
crown chakra to the cosmic centre. I use this as a board room, with my
Higher Self as President, presiding over my 'Loyal Order of Mature
Thought Formers (aka Holodynes, per Vernon Woolf)'.
I have recently installed by 'Older Self' (subconcious) as Vice
President, so that he realizies that I recognize his importance and
appreciate his efforts to work on my behalf - and trust that he will
work with the rest to ensure that all my good efforts are co-ordinated
and supported.
From the moment that I recognized that I was undergoing a Kundalini
experience, my state of mind can only be described as completely serene
- I know that I have no real worries and that I am in full control of
myself. There may also have been 'relative sereneness'- my 17 year
daughter having graduated (I have been a single daddy for her the last
12 years).
I have, over the years, made mistakes - but I sincerely regret these,
and have apologized to those I hurt.
Throughout my life whenever I have made a negative remark about
someone it has come back to haunt me. On every occasion that I have
helped some person that help has been repaid many times, in many
different ways.
Overall, I believe that I have acheived (with some honours !) all my
targets for this life, and can now take on additional tasks.
In May I picked up a book on pendulums, and have since read many more
and extended my dowsing to include pendulums. I have found this
extremely useful, since I can now ask my 'higher self' questions and get
good answers.
One question was "did I have a task to do?" and I got a real surprise!
or actually, two of them.
My secondary task is to popularize the pendulum (like a 'pet rock'),
so that people can ask their higher selves questions, especially 'what
is the right thing to do ?' - in the hopes that people (and here I
loosely include bureaucrats, pololiticians, and buznesmen (a la russe))
will start doing that and thus avoid a world catastrophe (world changes,
etc ?). I am starting with a 'Pendulum for Kids' kit.
My primary task is to "help aged addicted indians" (exactly as given
by my pendulum !). Seems a rather wonderful adventure - I know zilch
about them, but my pendulum is giving clear answers to my doubts, and
my open mind about indians seems to be part of the reason !
Sorry to bore you with this long screed, but it is needed if you are
to understand 'where I come from' - and it might be useful to some of
you. No doubt you will point out any errors that I am making in my
interpretations ! Your comments will be gratefully received.
John
J.M.Living, P.Eng., A wise old owl lived in an oak;
2731 West 11th.Avenue, the more he saw, the less he spoke;
Vancouver, B.C., the less he spoke, the more he heard;
Canada V6K 2L8 he was definitely not a political bird !
Vox & Fax (604) 737-7456
Date: Fri, 05 Sep 1997 11:04:39
From: David Tompkins <gurudaveATnospamsoback.kornet.nm.kr> (by way of Mystress Angelique Serpent <mistressATnospamdomin8rex.com>)
To: kundalini-lATnospamexecpc.com
Subject: RE: willful women
Message-Id: <3.0.1.16.19970905110439.3b070914ATnospamdomin8rex.com>
Content-Type: text/plain; charset="us-ascii"
cj wrote:
On Mon, 1 Sep 1997, M wrote:
> we need to see willful women suceed and lead long full lives. It is one of
> the directions I thought human evolution was headed in just now. And,
> perhaps it still is, but she did not choose to model that.
If this would happen I believe men would have to develop a weak will
accordingly, and society would have to become matriarchal in order to keep
up the attraction (and continued procreation of the species, I
suspect nature isn't aware of test tubes ;) ). Basic Yin-Yang. Not to be
seen as woman-bashing or something similar (though I also suspect some
will try hard to see it as such), just a reflection.
I strongly disagree that men would have to develop a weaker will for
"willful women (to) suceed and lead long full lives". Instead I think men
will have to develop a stronger will accordingly. Weak people want others
to be less. Strong people want others to be greater.
There is the belief that only one center of power can exist in a society.
At present this is the common level of social awareness. At this level we
can only have a patriarchy or a matriarchy. But is it true that a man of
strong character wants to make his partner feel small or insignificant?
No. We know the truth is greater than this. We know that strong people
encourage what is strong in others. Right now this awareness exists on an
individual level and between small groups, but it's growing. It will
become the social model because it's true, and the truth always makes
itself known to those who have the strength to hear it.
Peace,
The Ox.
Date: Sun, 07 Sep 1997 00:30:14
From: Lisa Mays <amaysdATnospamworldnet.att.net> (by way of Mystress Angelique Serpent <mistressATnospamdomin8rex.com>)
To: kundalini-lATnospamexecpc.com
Subject: New/Spiritual Emergency
Message-Id: <3.0.1.16.19970907003014.12af0c64ATnospamdomin8rex.com>
Content-Type: text/plain; charset="us-ascii"
Dear List,
I wrote this letter this last weekend and forwarded a copy of it to all
the "Friends Online" list. I also subscribe to this list at the same
time. Some of the mail I received from the wonderful people on that
page suggested that I forward a copy to the list.
I would first like to thank each and everyone who responded and I will
also write to each of you personally to thank you. I know how this
letter must confuse you as to what has happened to me. I have no
intelligent explanation. I mean, that I do not, nor claim to, know what
God's plan is. All I know is that it is unmistakably God's voice and
God's Will to take my Will from me at this time. You have no idea how
painful that is. Here is the letter I sent:
I found your name in the "Friends Online" page of Shared
Transformation. I am so incredibly confused and thrilled at the same
time. I'm thrill because I finally found someone who I can write/talk
to without sounding like a complete lunatic and a mailing list where I
feel I can relieve some of the loneliness and isolation that I've been
feeling for the past year or so now.
I have experienced, to me, some incredibly profound things in my 29
years of life. I've just learned from reading the "Kundalini Signs and
Symptoms" that what I thought was a recent experience (last 2 years) has
been happening for sometime. I think 15 years????? The painful
vibration and ringing in my head, powerful out of body feelings or
dreams and some other experiences that I would not have thought were
part of my transformation until this morning. I just can't believe my
life.
I give you a quick overview of the desperate and beautiful things that
have happened to me in hopes that I may find someone in the world who I
can communicate to honestly who KNOWS that I'm not making this stuff up!
Two years ago I had a spiritual awakening one night while writing a
letter. I was so depressed writing this letter. Then while thinking so
deeply about why I loved the person I was writing to I started to feel
this.....tip of the tongue feeling....as if I starting to remember
something. I started feeling it more and more and as the feeling turned
or "raised" I felt overwhelmed by this wonderful, blissful energy that
was
like a "cord of light" or "love" coming out from on top of my head. I,
in
this instant, it was, like dying and being surrounded by complete love.
I received information from God from where my physical heart is and
understood everything. Everything made sense and I knew so many
things! I was so happy I cried from being so humbled. It was, by far,
the best thing that ever happened to me. I walked around on clouds for
months afterwards and as my friends said, I exuded this energy they all
wanted to be around which was God.
This lasted for the next year and I had finally found some books on
"Spiritual Awakenings" and "Kundalini" that were so wonderful to read.
I began reading everything I could get a hold of. I loved knowing that
others have had this same experience. What I didn't understand then,
which I do now, is that some people gave accounts of having terrible
experiences of darkness and just some horrible things which I could not
grasp due to my experience being so blissful. I saw this in Christina
Grof's book
"The Stormy Search For the Self."
A year after I had a very traumatic experience with someone I loved very
dearly. After which, I started hearing "voices." I thought I was going
"schizophrenic" and looked up everything I could to understand what was
happening to me. I was completely terrified that I was going insane.
But the main thing from what I read was the fact that I was
internalizing the "voices" which meant that I was not losing touch with
reality. I was aware it was inside of me and that "schizophrenics" do
not internalize it.
I thought I was hearing people's thoughts at first. I would hear voices
of people I loved. Then one night I heard the most horrible,
terrifying, monstrous voices that scared me so much I was almost going
to check myself into a psyche ward somewhere. I didn't know what to do!
That night lasted for what seemed forever. Then all of a sudden in the
morning I heard a female voice and a male voice telling me they were my
spirit guides and that it was time for me to change. I know how
painfully ridiculous this sounds but I swear this is the truth. A few
weeks after hearing "them" I started hearing God's voice talking to them
and then to me. Now, I just hear the voice of God. I mean I HEAR as
in conversations, explanations, requests......I really hear God. But,
it's not as great as you think. He says I am going through a process
called an "Ego-Breaking" in which I need to learn to ask Him for help
instead of smoking a cigarette, eating or not, no drugs, etc....that I'm
suppose to give my life completely over to him or he will not give me
the joys I used to experience. I have left where I grew up, lost most
of my friends, lost my job, all because I'm listening to this voice this
voice that is "God." I'm hurt and angry and still haven't given' up
smoking but I am trying to get through this process. But, right now I
can't see the light at the end of the tunnel. I'm 29 years old and now
am living with my mom in Del Mar, California. Because half the time I'm
so depressed and confused as to why God is being so mean to me. I just
really need someone to talk to about all these things that are.....just
no one would believe what I've been through.
I would appreciate it so much if you could write back with some
comforting words or may be direct me to someone who I could just reach
out to.
Thank you,
Lisa
Some of you have wrote of your concern that this voice sounds to harsh
to be God. But, what I've learned of God this last year is painful and
I will share some of what God has communicated to me as to the reasons
WHY he is doing this to me.
First, He has, through some of this painful process, taught me that he
is Life. He is what killed Princess Diana and also what gave her the
heart that we fell in love with. That he is every aspect of life
because He is Everything. He is poverty, wealth, laughter, desperation
and everything in between. He explains that he created life in order to
experience Himself. But in order to experience Himself he needed both
light and dark. Because, you cannot know your hurt if you do not know
how it feels to not hurt. He is the light but called the darkness onto
himself in order to create life and experience the Greatness which is
God. He could not experience the Greatness of Himself without His
opposite, darkness.
I am NOT nor have I ever been a religious person and in fact prior to my
spiritual awakening would not have accepted that God existed. I knew
that LOVE was the big picture though. I don't consider myself to be
religious now either at all but know that I am spirit and a part of
God.
Some of the lessons God is teaching me are so harsh that I cannot write
of the pain that I have experienced. I HAVE asked all the questions
that you can possibly think of. Like why me? Why are you taking my
life? Am I special? Am I damned? Don't you have a heart? Hear my
pain. I have been communicating for the past year with God. None of
which I write could I, in my wildest imagination, believe or hear
without a degree of skepticism. I can only tell you what I know.
I was, two years ago, living the "fast lane." I had money, used drugs,
danced all night, had many friends, ect.. To me, I was, I thought, a
kind, wonderful person that was still sowing her oats at the age of 27.
I was having a blast! After my spiritual awakening, I had even more
fun. I knew how much I was loved by God! Plus, I know this sounds
strange and may be was an errie foreshadowing but, I would wake up
everyday and thank God that I had my freedom and that He loved me enough
to allow me to be free.
Now, what I know is that the process I'm being MADE to go through is
called an "Ego-Breaking." God has communicated to me that I love Him
and have treated Him kindly (meaning the way I treat others in my life)
but the fact that I used drugs, my lifestyle, smoked cigarettes and have
an eating disorder is treating myself(which is also God) like garbage.
He has said that it's His Will for me to have happiness in this lifetime
and the only way "ego" can be overcome is by Spirit. I understand this
now, a year later and I feel that I am half-way there. I have not used
drugs in over a year, left the lifestyle I was leading, do not
communicated with the friends I had and moved from that city.
But, God's Will is for me to, with all the pain He has put into my life,
overcome my own mental thoughts and give the pain to Him. Instead of
smoking a cigarette or using drugs, I am to use Him. I have tried to
quit smoking and have two different times in my life for a period of 6
months. God has said that listening to Ego is responsible for starting
again and if I quit with Him that I will never start again He has
promised.
What I really want to emphasis is that I am just like each and everyone
of you. I do understand what my thought are about who God is and what
He is like ( The Light). But, I think it would be arrogant to think
anyone of us is a expert on what God would do in order to "Love
Himself." These are the things He says to me. I am desperate for
support. Who would believe me? Would I? Plus, all the questions and
day to day conversations are some days, so troubling to me.
Someone asked me why am I fighting this process? Well, God is not
exactly making it easy to change. If I try to do it without Him, say,
not smoke for a day, I fail. All He has to do is say "Lisa, your never
going to succeed." And the craving becomes so powerful to smoke, to
hurt myself because I'm hurt, that I smoke. The reason I don't ask God
for help at that moment is because I'm offended by what he said. I KNOW
THIS SOUNDS SO WEIRD! But, the point is, that I am learning how Ego
finds it's place in our minds, how to overcome it, and learning about
pain in the process.
When we hurt, what I have learned is that some of us find external ways
of dealing with it. (Like me) This creates an addiction that grows and
grows as we feed it. Only God can overcome the incredible cravings. I
do understand AA and NA now. I didn't before. Although, I never have
been a part of that group or was allowed to "Hit Bottom" before I
started hearing God.
What I don't understand and what I needed to talk to you all about is
your experiences and to relieve some of the loneliness I have felt this
past year. How can I be close to anyone? I love people and now I feel
like this leopard. "Hi! Wanna go to the movies? Oh, by the way.....I
hear God voice and sometimes you'll catch me talking to myself only I'm
not talking to myself , it's me talking to God." Yes, I would
definitely want to date me.
God always talks of how "His Children's" thinking is the cause of all
their troubles. That "thinking" or the Mind, is a tricky thing that
seeks to feel "in control" of things when in fact He is in absolute
control of all things. This is SO painful to me. That if God is in
control of all things, them I am furious with Him. Why all the pain and
suffering? What about the poor or homeless? What about the history of
life and all the misery? This has, by far, been the greatest pain I've
experienced in my life. Hearing God talk of such things has broken my
heart into a million pieces everyday since.
I don't mean to write so much the very first time that I introduce
myself and my process but as you can see I've been desperate to talk to
you all. I didn't know you were here and have been going through all
this alone. You can't imagine my feelings of relief .
Although our experiences are all different and obviously they are meant
to be, please try and listen with an open heart to mine. Because it has
been too harsh. But, I hope for a good reason. I do know and can
explain it by writing that God is, He says, teaching me to love
myself/Him, teaching me to love my heart and teaching me to live
correctly.
Just writing about it has given me some peace.
Thank You,
Lisa
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