1997/04/08  18:30  
 kundalini-l-d Digest V97 #152 
  
kundalini-l-d Digest				Volume 97 : Issue 152
 
Today's Topics: 
  Energies out of balance ... 
  Re: K-list Fool! ha! 
  Re: working from home 
  Re: Dimensional sounds 
  Re: Personal Mother - Shakti? 
  New address 
  RE: My Dream/Reality 
  Re: Unnaceptable Questions/and answers 
  Re: My Dream/Reality 
  Why? 
  my nightmare 
  Re: Personal Mother - Shakti?/ShivaWarrioress 
Date: Thu, 7 Apr 1983 17:32:13 -0500 
From: "cupiru" <cupiruATnospamix.netcom.com> 
To: <kundalini-lATnospamexecpc.com> 
Subject: Energies out of balance ... 
Message-Id: <199704072257.RAA24986ATnospamdfw-ix7.ix.netcom.com> 
 
  Olavo  
cupiruATnospamix.netcom.com
 
The increased energy in your partners' body is taking the wrong path or 
channel. 
It would be easier if she could be made aware of the flow and voluntarily 
act on her will 
to center it. There are many ways to do this, depending on the person own 
beliefs 
Of course, she can't help much mainly because it just happens to her. She 
feels it, but can't explain. Try to explain the taste of an orange or the 
color red to a blind.  
It is impossible to put in words, right? Only if the person has the 
experience, tasting the orange, 
is that communication is possible. 
So, any time you ask her what is going on, she uses the "words" to make you 
feel what she is feeling. 
Now, here is where the problem starts. You were trying to help and all the 
sunddenly you feel angry, lost, confused, immediately your selfdefense 
control takes over, and as a normal male you attack. 
Well, you guessed it right, is positive feedback. The more "words" you 
trough, more you get, you  
amplify then a little bit and send it again, she amplifies and right back 
to you. 
This pattern is normal, there is nothing wrong with it. It is just the 
opposites poles of the same energy working. The problem is that your are 
not prepared to perceive the flow, recognize its pattern 
and change it to something familiar to you. The stronger your feelings are, 
more "open" 
you are, easier it is for the pair resonate energy to get off hand, 
designing its own twists, path and 
carry you both in its vortices. 
The solution is balance and of course can only be achieved if the energy is 
flowing through the proper channels. 
One thing you can try is to visualize a small beam of white-bluish light 
leaving your body around the sexual organ, going to her in her sexual 
region, then up her spine till the heart, off from her heart, to your 
heart, down in our spine till your sexual organ, and back again to her. 
If she feels erotic stimulated, that's good (not for being luck!) but that 
the energy is flowing as should. 
Also, any time things get of hand, remember that she is trying to 
communicate the best way she 
knows, which is making you feel what she is feeling, only that your energy 
is amplifying everything. So once you realize that is her "feeling", just 
center the energy flow is your spine, don't let it go to the sides, put all 
your awareness in centering the flow in your and her spine. 
Keep in mind that the closer you both are, the more one trust in the other, 
the higher the energy amplification become. 
Good luck 
Olavo 
Date: Mon, 07 Apr 1997 22:00:28 -0700 
From: E Jason <vv60ATnospamdial.pipex.com> 
To: kundalini-lATnospamexecpc.com 
Subject: Re: K-list Fool! ha! 
Message-ID: <3349D0EC.79D3ATnospamdial.pipex.com> 
 
Hi Vic,
 
What an excellent apology 
I am sure Mystress Angelique Serpent 
was most impressed with your submission 
Perhaps you can do terrible things on a regular basis 
so we can appreciate your examples of apology? 
In fact in some mystical traditions apology 
for no reason is the norm . . .
 
Most Kind Regards 
Lobster (sorry)
 
vic bonds wrote: 
> > 
> >Oh, Mystress, if you knew how sorry I am, oh gosh, I tell you it will never 
> >happppppppen again, the reality is that the time is running out.(IM 47) 
> >and I thought if I didn't do it know I would spout, a whisker or two upon my 
> >double chin, for I am doing the rocking chair binge, oh mystress, my sins 
> > are tinged with sadness, at the age that I AM. Girl, if I have offended 
> your very sensitive machine, may a thousand rolls of Bliss come  back at 
> me,and you, Oh I am sorry to all 
> > of myKundalini Friends, for, I now realize what a sin it is to Play, the 
> Fool for even a day! 
> >sorry, sorry, sorry.... my Friends, I had no idea, hope God will and you will 
> > forgive me for crashing ou Realities..... 
> >I promise I will never send any more pics this is the first and the last 
> pictures to this list!!!!! 
> >A thousand licks to me, Mystress... 
> >In surrender, 
> >Victoria 
Date: Mon, 07 Apr 1997 14:53:05 +0000 
From: Gloria Greco <lodpressATnospamintercomm.com> 
To: kathyb34ATnospamowl.csusm.edu 
CC: kundalini-lATnospamexecpc.com 
Subject: Re: working from home 
Message-ID: <33490A51.5799ATnospamintercomm.com> 
 
kathyb34ATnospamowl.csusm.edu wrote: 
>  
> Dear list friends: 
>  
> Lately, I've been keeping pretty busy with a few companies who send me 
> handwritten names/addresses that I input into the computer and create 
> mailing lists for these people to use. 
>  
> The addresses are garnered from fairs and events that sponsor raffles and 
> the like.  They send me large envelopes of handwritten sweepstakes entries 
> and I create a mailing list for them.  However, I'm swamped with my other 
> businesses and cannot keep up. 
>  
> If anybody is interested in earning some extra cash by working on their 
> puter's out of their home, please e-mail me privately.  I'll give you the 
> address to which you can write for this type of work.  It's not full time, 
> but it can help a bit with your finances and it's easy, however a bit 
> tedious, work. 
>  
> Hugs to all, 
>  
> Kathy 
>  
> Kathy B. 
> ************************ 
> Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear 
>
 
Hi Kathy, What is involved, I may be interested. Gloria 
Date: Mon, 07 Apr 1997 15:06:06 +0000 
From: Gloria Greco <lodpressATnospamintercomm.com> 
To: John Halonen <halonenjATnospamix.netcom.com> 
CC: kundalini-lATnospamexecpc.com 
Subject: Re: Dimensional sounds 
Message-ID: <33490D5D.4AF2ATnospamintercomm.com> 
 
John Halonen wrote: 
>  
> I had some strange dream last night.  I was at a party and there was only 
> one way for me to get in, but people were blocking my way.  Eventually I 
> found another way in and when I got back to the original entrance, the way 
> was cleared.  I felt like the group of people were hiding something from 
> me.  Eventually I started hearing sounds, all kinds of sounds: klanking and 
> bells, laughter, screams, sounds like whales all mixed together and I knew 
> that these were sounds from another dimension. 
> I saw this person who appeared to be in charge and I started shouting to 
> her the sounds I was hearing and it seemed to scare her and the rest of the 
> crowd. 
> Then I turned into a cobra and from previous dreams I realized that in 
> doing so 
> my weekness would be if someone came at me as a mongoose.  But nobody did 
> and I can't recall anymore after this.  Even though I was mad because I 
> felt they were hiding something, deep inside I still felt a treemendous love. 
>  
> The sounds were tremendously incredible! 
>  
> Love John Halonen
 
John, 
 I just got an interesting interpretation, do you feel that some times 
on the list there is a discussion about something that you want to 
understand and it just doesn't all come together. You feel a lot of love 
for the people who are all talking back and forth and would like to get 
into it, but perhaps don't and then you experience this kundalini the 
part of the cobra and are reminded that you have the way to the truth 
through faith and knowing. Gloria 
Date: Mon, 07 Apr 1997 21:55:58 -0700 
From: Morgana Wyze <morganaATnospambest.com> 
To: Ana Maria 
CC: kundalini-lATnospamexecpc.com 
Subject: Re: Personal Mother - Shakti? 
Message-ID: <3349CFDE.1C03ATnospambest.com> 
 
Ana Maria wrote: 
>  
> Greetings all! 
>  
> I have been lurking for the past few days and I've had so much fun reading and already learned so much 
> from reading all of the posts. 
>  
> Perhaps this is not the best moment (or just the right moment) to introduce myself - I am writing from a 
> moment of confusion - just after an emotional encounter with my mother. I hope I'll be able to put some 
> words down coherently and that perhaps someone on this list has some insight through my fog. 
>  
> I've been aware of kundalini (as a concept and its effects) for several (12) years now. I have meditated, 
> practiced yoga, studied ayur-ved, gone for long walks, learned about hands-on, met with shamans, danced in 
> the moonlight, cooked until dawn and many other things as well but I'm not really interested in discussing 
> these right now. 
>  
> I have been able to bring what I know into many aspects of my life and into many relationships - all 
> except the one I have with my mother. It continues to be the most reactive and regressive realtionship I 
> have. She seems to hold me responsible for every slight I have ever caused her - and even as I try to work 
> through my own attachments of feeling "wronged" by her - and try having a relationship with her in this 
> moment - all forces seem to pull us back into the past. 
>  
> My fear of her power over me and my moods has greatly diminished  - but the effect she used to have on me 
> was of making me full of holes - like swiss cheese. Perhaps I have had a similar effect on her - I don't 
> know I can't see this way around her. Now I just feel very frustrated and angry - I want to have some sort 
> of relationship with her  - I feel I need her. Perhaps I just need Great Mother. But the personal level 
> also exists . . . 
>  
> How to make progress through historic resentments? How can I be gentle enough with all concerned when I 
> just want to scream? 
>  
> I greatly appreciate any of your comments - 
>  
> Ana Maria 
> A whirling fire sprite who's wanting to go into the sweat lodge
 
Ana Maria, 
The relationship between Mothers and Daughters is complex.  Even 
when we love/hate our mothers we need to love them without limits. 
I can only offer you my personal experience. 
I began to heal when I realized that she needed me more than I needed 
her, and her dependency was creating much of the strife. She didn't 
think that I would ever give her what she wanted and needed, the "ideal" 
daighter-mother realtionship.  Without the work and time that goes into 
creating that close relationship.  
 I also realized that our relationship in the present time is pure 
fiction.  She will only accept what she needs, only see what she wants 
to see. This was very liberating to me, because it allowed me to be very 
loving toward her in my actions without having to be in my truth and 
dredging up a wounded past. I'm younger and far more flexible than she 
is at her age, so it's natural that I should be the one to flex. I found 
that acting in a loving way created the emotions in me of love and 
caring toward her.  When I wasn't resisting her needs she relaxed, and 
now we are sharing good moments and creating a loving reality from the 
fiction. 
Well, it's working for us. 
In love and trust, 
Morgana 
Date: Tue, 8 Apr 97 05:56:56 UT 
From: "Pamela " <Pamela_eATnospammsn.com> 
To: kundalini-lATnospamexecpc.com, "New Age" <newageATnospamidirect.com>, 
 owner-crystalsATnospamangus.mystery.com, ArchAngelsATnospamgemstate.net 
Subject: New address 
Message-Id: <UPMAIL07.199704080557460697ATnospammsn.com>
 
I am changing service providers. 
I will be unsubscribing with this address Pamela_eATnospammsn.com 
and re-subscribing with my new email address  
PamelaATnospamserv.net Just wanted to notify you of this email address change. 
Thanks! 
Pamela 
.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:
 
"True lovers don't meet somewhere 
 They are in each other all along." 
    ----------    RUMI 
.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:. 
Date: Tue, 08 Apr 97 10:52:00 PDT 
From: Manoj Nanda <MNATnospamlangley.softwright.co.uk> 
To: Tom Aston <yogi.tomATnospamtantrictom.demon.co.uk> 
Cc: "'kundalini-lATnospamexecpc.com'" <kundalini-lATnospamexecpc.com> 
Subject: RE: My Dream/Reality 
Message-Id: <334A85E7ATnospammsmailgate.softwright.co.uk>
 
Tom heres something that happened last night... 
This was after doing some very soft savasna and meditation before going    
to bed. 
I was dreaming normally , I thin and then I woke up in the middle of my    
dreams and found myself in savasan, the energy was more intense than ever    
before and it felt very clear, currently it is asa if i is a rather dull    
enerngy surge but this time the energy felt like energy..again it was    
running around underneath the heart area. 
Again i feel asleep and again found my self in savansan the enegry felt    
clear again..... 
This happened 4 times altogether, migh be a symbolic number my confusion    
is that im not sure wether i was dreaming or not???
 
My intuition and current knowledge reminds me of som eVedic KNowledge    
that while asleep we are in our astral (subtle?)bodies 
so therefore theres no physical gunk , and now while thinking about it,    
ive read of initiations during sleep , which would make a lot of sense if    
we were in our subtle bodies during this time.
 
Anyway today my back is a lot better (read less sore ) and I slept a lot    
longer without knowing??
 
ANy thoughts Tom , I posted this to the list too for any other thoughts.
 
 ---------- 
From:  Tom Aston[SMTP:yogi.tomATnospamtantrictom.demon.co.uk] 
Sent:  07 April 1997 14:46 
To:  Manoj Nanda 
Subject:  Re: AutoPost from Kundalini Resource Center
 
In message <33493300ATnospammsmailgate.softwright.co.uk>, Manoj Nanda 
<MNATnospamlangley.softwright.co.uk> writes 
> 
Just relax.....do what feels right, not what i showed you, that was just 
for information purposes and may one day be relevant.....it sounds like 
you're doing fine as you are, and you seem to have a good grasp of the 
Sikh seed sounds and pranic sublimation techniques and a healthy respect 
for spiritual principles...given there are scores of yogic postures, let 
shakti choose which ones are right for you...if in doubt go into 
savasana to bring everything together and learn to let go. soetimes 
there is pain with shakti, especially at the beginning as all kinds of 
things can block her path...so live with her rather than try and 
manipulate her....be soft and gentle and yielding to her intelligence, 
but be clear where you're heading in yoga as lazy thinking can 
complicate things.
 
regards yogi Tom
 
>Tom I gots a pain in my lower back region even while im typing this , 
>I havent got a clue how this happens one second I was just sitting 
>reading abuot yoga and shakti as playing along and then a few hours    
later 
>I was going to sit donwn for Yoga nd I wqas in pain.  I recall doing    
some 
>stretching earlier on in the day, which was the stanidng up straight    
arms 
>up then slowly come down to put hands behind calves keeping legs 
>straight, in didnt hurt at the tie but it sure does now, also I did some    
    
 
>back bending yesterday.. 
>I shall endavour to take the pain like a  Xtian Mystic :) 
>Manoj 
> ---------- 
>From:  Tom Aston[SMTP:yogi.tomATnospamtantrictom.demon.co.uk] 
>Sent:  04 April 1997 03:19 
>To:  kundalini-lATnospamexecpc.com; DarkWayATnospamhotmail.com;    
kundalini-lATnospamexecpc.com; 
>DarkWayATnospamhotmail.com 
>Subject:  Re: AutoPost from Kundalini Resource Center 
> 
>In message <199704032121.LAA12728ATnospamhaleakala.aloha.net>, DarkWay 
><DarkWayATnospamhotmail.com> writes 
>>Pains in THe Spine come sometimes when I am meditating and moving    
energy 
>>It get so intense that Your spie is vibrating all other limbs and stuff 
>>anyone who knows what I mean respond with what you have found. 
>> 
>yep, can be agony...find yourself a good Oriental bodyworker to align 
>vertebrae and free up and balance energy channels if you cannot do it 
>yourself. go swimming. do all the holistic forms of practice you know 
>whether yogic or martial arts. i did all these but still get little 
>twinges even now a decade later when fail to pay attention to inner 
>energy's needs. tom x. 
> -- 
>Tom Aston 
>
 
 -- 
Tom Aston 
Date: Tue, 08 Apr 1997 07:36:39 -0700 
From: E Jason <vv60ATnospamdial.pipex.com> 
To: kundalini-lATnospamexecpc.com 
CC: jan.watsonATnospamsympatico.ca 
Subject: Re: Unnaceptable Questions/and answers 
Message-ID: <334A57F7.1EAEATnospamdial.pipex.com> 
 
vic bonds wrote: 
  
> >>I really like the way, you make my days, 
> >you take your pain, to twist our brains, 
> >If you continue to be ,a seer to deeds, 
> >unmock our futures, and realities.. 
> >be fair to us , and take the fuss, 
> >and make it simpler, which is a must, 
> > for this list is comprised of big surprise, 
> > and man, you win them all with your 
> >truth and lies.... 
> >victoria 
> >your Friend, ha ha
 
Hi Vic,
 
Brain twisting is a free service 
so let's get that straightened out . . .  :) 
Simpler? 
Well 
wishing 
simpler realities 
complicates  
whilst 
wishing well 
Is Acceptable? :)
 
Most Kind Regards 
Simply wishing Well  
Lobster 
Date: Tue, 08 Apr 1997 12:41:38 -0700 
From: E Jason <vv60ATnospamdial.pipex.com> 
To: kundalini-lATnospamexecpc.com 
Subject: Re: My Dream/Reality 
Message-ID: <334A9F72.74F1ATnospamdial.pipex.com> 
 
Manoj Nanda wrote: 
  
> Tom heres something that happened last night... 
> This was after doing some very soft savasna and meditation before going 
> to bed. 
> I was dreaming normally , I thin and then I woke up in the middle of my 
> dreams and found myself in savasan, the energy was more intense than ever 
> before and it felt very clear, currently it is asa if i is a rather dull 
> enerngy surge but this time the energy felt like energy..again it was 
> running around underneath the heart area. 
> Again i feel asleep and again found my self in savansan the enegry felt 
> clear again..... 
> This happened 4 times altogether, migh be a symbolic number my confusion 
> is that im not sure wether i was dreaming or not???
 
This is indeed an auspicious dream 
dreaming normally eh? 
I have awoken during several dreams to find I was asleep 
Now I try to wake up to the possibility that I am asleep 
<Yawn - stretch> 
This reminds me of the famous Taoist 
who dreamt he was a butterfly 
and awoke to find he was a caterpiller 
- oh - something like that . . . 
Is it a dream . . . ? 
Next week I will be reading about precognition 
but not whilst awake 
and talking of Taoism . . . 
Question: 
How many Taoists does it take to screw in a light bulb 
Answer: 
Why bother . . . 
No that is not fair 
- to light bulbs 
How many light bulbs does it take to . . . 
Dreams? 
Reality? 
Closer than we imagine . . .
 
Most Kind Regards 
Lobster (purring softly) 
Yes they can purr in dreams . . . 
Date: Tue, 8 Apr 1997 19:26:22 +0200 
From: Jason <zymphtATnospambluewin.ch> 
To: "'Kundalini'" <kundalini-lATnospamexecpc.com> 
Subject: Why? 
Message-ID: <01BC4454.9F192C60ATnospamlss16pub144.bluewin.ch> 
 
<beginsnip: Peggy>
 
Jason <zymphtATnospambluewin.ch> wrote:
 
>Reminiscent of Castaneda wherein the goal is to permanently and 
>consciously >step out of the physical body thereby gaining FREEDOM from 
>death.  Traversing >the path of knowledge for bliss, spiritual joy, 
>pleasure, blah, blah is called >indulging.
 
Okay, so one could have freedom from (as I gather it) physical death, but 
why is wanting spiritual joy considered indulging? I'm sorry, and I may be 
completely off track here, but it seems a holdover from older, more 
puritanical belief systems. Why does Casteneda want freedom from death? 
What's so bad about the earth plane? Could it be that what he REALLY wanted 
was to access the higher energies -- that is, "spiritual joy"?
 
<endsnip>
 
Read Castaneda's books for the (quite wordy and indulgent) explanation of indulging.  In short, dwelling on things of this earth plane is indulging.  Everything you can do, name or imagine is said to be included in the "tonal" or your earthly physical body.  In our normal day-to-day life we indulge in the tonal.  Our survival on the earth plane depends on it.  The vastness beyond the tonal is said to be included in the "naugal" or the energy body, the unthinkable, the unknown and the unknowable.  Over-indulging in the tonal detracts from deeper and greater experience of the naugal.  The ultimate wherefores of Castaneda's path are mysteriously missing from his books.  They are written as experiential accounts rather than explanations of WHY we should bother in the first place.
 
<beginsnip: Peggy>
 
>It is a good question you raise.  What is the goal of our respective 
>paths?  Is >that goal in any way tied up with our ego (desire for 
>pleasure, etc.)?  Perhaps >the very nature of "goal" is tied up with our 
>ego.  To not have an ego is to >not aspire, not strive, not DO.  DOing an 
>activity begs the question - why, >what aim, what goal?
 
> 
>Having reached that end, would our consciousness not still be bound (as 
>opposed to FREE) in the DOings of formless energy? 
> 
> 
>Zympht.
 
But here on the Earth plane, we all DO. It is part of BEing here, is it 
not? I don't mean DOing in the striving, struggling, grasping way, but in 
the flow of consciousness and creativity. I have this sense that when one 
is attuned to his/her higher nature, to DO is to BE - and to BE is to DO - 
flip sides of the same coin. Or, as some others would sing, Do be do be 
do...
 
Just more thoughts,
 
-- Peggy
 
<endsnip>
 
Yes, best stated by the famous cartoon character Scoo-be-do-be-do!
 
There is a limitation in our language.  To DO and to BE are the two most elemental verbs in our language.  Yet they cannot impart the meaning of the BE-DOing you have sensed.  When kundalini energy is sufficiently strong that it becomes consciousness, the concepts of DOing and BEing perhaps fall away as just that - concepts.  Behind concepts, which by definition can be imagined, is the unthinkable, the unknown and the unknowable, Castaneda's "naugal."
 
But I think you have sensed rightly!  These are the senses that illuminate our respective paths.
 
So that leaves us with WHY?  What are we BE-DOing here?  Why do we perform the BE-DOing of participating in the flow of consciousness and creativity?  What is the end we seek?  Are they the ends we have read about in Castaneda, Buddha, Jesus and other "greats"?  Or are their further, unimaginable, undiscovered ends?  We simply have to continue BE-DOing to find out.
 
WHY has our energy been interrupted from its infinitude to be born into this brief BE-DOing only to be released at physical death back to infinitude?
 
The answer is: our life, the very path we traverse?
 
Zympht. 
Date: Tue, 8 Apr 1997 16:16:12 -0500 (CDT) 
From: Nothing Is <holi0007ATnospamitlabs.umn.edu> 
To: kundalini-lATnospamexecpc.com 
Subject: my nightmare 
Message-ID: <Pine.GSO.3.95q.970408160849.10031A-100000ATnospamluey.itlabs.umn.edu> 
Content-Type: TEXT/PLAIN; charset=US-ASCII
 
 I had a bad dream the other day and I actually remembered it, a 
rare thing for me.  In this dream I had taken some kind of entheogen and 
I forgot that I did.  Next thing I know, I was talking to my friend and 
this horrible state of consciousness took me over.  It was the worst 
feeling I had *EVER* felt.  I am comfortable with Buddhist idea/state of 
a nuetral nothingness, through experience.  However, this was a polarized  
darkness that made me go off the edge of my sanity.  Then another friend 
of mine who has actually had some of experience of this in real life came 
along and started hugging me, and the pain went away.  I know that any 
true interpretation of my dream should be done on my own...but does 
anyone have any ideas?  Is this some kind of warning to stay away from 
entheogens in the future?
 
thanks, 
nothing is 
Date: Tue, 8 Apr 1997 21:15:31 +0100 
From: vic bonds <wildwingsATnospampeconic.net> 
To: kundalini-lATnospamexecpc.com 
Subject: Re: Personal Mother - Shakti?/ShivaWarrioress 
Message-Id: <01153189001920ATnospampeconic.net> 
Content-Type: text/plain; charset="us-ascii"
 
Dear Ana, 
 Now, may be the time to be a Shiva, a Warrioress, and  perhaps, learn 
a new Disipline such as the Path of a Sorceress. I have similar problems, and 
I find for me, personally, the Don Juan Path which Carlos Castaneda writes of 
is extremely helpful in showing me Freedoms and Barriers, and the Difference 
which lies between them. I just started, so, I am no judge, really, but, 
It personally feels Right for me... I do know a bit how you may feel... 
Sincerely, your Friend, 
Victoria 
>--------------------------------------------------------------------------- 
---------------------------------------------- 
>Ana Maria wrote: 
>>  
>> Greetings all! 
>>  
>> I have been lurking for the past few days and I've had so much fun 
reading and already learned so much 
>> from reading all of the posts. 
>>  
>> Perhaps this is not the best moment (or just the right moment) to 
introduce myself - I am writing from a 
>> moment of confusion - just after an emotional encounter with my mother. I 
hope I'll be able to put some 
>> words down coherently and that perhaps someone on this list has some 
insight through my fog. 
>>  
>> I've been aware of kundalini (as a concept and its effects) for several 
(12) years now. I have meditated, 
>> practiced yoga, studied ayur-ved, gone for long walks, learned about 
hands-on, met with shamans, danced in 
>> the moonlight, cooked until dawn and many other things as well but I'm 
not really interested in discussing 
>> these right now. 
>>  
>> I have been able to bring what I know into many aspects of my life and 
into many relationships - all 
>> except the one I have with my mother. It continues to be the most 
reactive and regressive realtionship I 
>> have. She seems to hold me responsible for every slight I have ever 
caused her - and even as I try to work 
>> through my own attachments of feeling "wronged" by her - and try having a 
relationship with her in this 
>> moment - all forces seem to pull us back into the past. 
>>  
>> My fear of her power over me and my moods has greatly diminished  - but 
the effect she used to have on me 
>> was of making me full of holes - like swiss cheese. Perhaps I have had a 
similar effect on her - I don't 
>> know I can't see this way around her. Now I just feel very frustrated and 
angry - I want to have some sort 
>> of relationship with her  - I feel I need her. Perhaps I just need Great 
Mother. But the personal level 
>> also exists . . . 
>>  
>> How to make progress through historic resentments? How can I be gentle 
enough with all concerned when I 
>> just want to scream? 
>>  
>> I greatly appreciate any of your comments - 
>>  
>> Ana Maria 
>> A whirling fire sprite who's wanting to go into the sweat lodge 
> 
>Ana Maria, 
>The relationship between Mothers and Daughters is complex.  Even 
>when we love/hate our mothers we need to love them without limits. 
>I can only offer you my personal experience. 
>I began to heal when I realized that she needed me more than I needed 
>her, and her dependency was creating much of the strife. She didn't 
>think that I would ever give her what she wanted and needed, the "ideal" 
>daighter-mother realtionship.  Without the work and time that goes into 
>creating that close relationship.  
> I also realized that our relationship in the present time is pure 
>fiction.  She will only accept what she needs, only see what she wants 
>to see. This was very liberating to me, because it allowed me to be very 
>loving toward her in my actions without having to be in my truth and 
>dredging up a wounded past. I'm younger and far more flexible than she 
>is at her age, so it's natural that I should be the one to flex. I found 
>that acting in a loving way created the emotions in me of love and 
>caring toward her.  When I wasn't resisting her needs she relaxed, and 
>now we are sharing good moments and creating a loving reality from the 
>fiction. 
>Well, it's working for us. 
>In love and trust, 
>Morgana 
> 
>
 
 
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