Tales of Awakening

  These personal experiences are posted with the permission of the people involved. Reproduction for anything other than personal use is prohibited.

   Hi all
    I'm delighted at the prospect of connecting with people who have experienced the incredible transformative energy of Kundalini. My first experience with Kundalini came in 1990 before I had any idea what it was. I had decided that I wanted to develop my 'psychic' abilities and began visualizing light clearing and cleaning chakras.
    One trip to San Francisco proved to be very dramatic. My sister and I had visited a psychic fair - it was there that my body began to do strange things. It seemed as though it was vibrating up and out a foot or so from me. I just thought I was hyper-excited about what I was learning and could ride it out. That evening, I was just drifting off to sleep when I had the sensation that my body was spinning rapidly - sort of like a pig on a spit.
    Visions of two ribbon like shapes were twirling about my 'body' along with the sensation. I immediately thought of the Exorcist and was sure (half-jokingly) that someone at the psychic fair was possessing me! Then, along with incredible heat sensations, a tube of light started rising up through the center of my body.
    Well, I panicked. As it got to my throat and was about to enter my head I tried with all my will to force it out. The energy turned into a strange bird which I later found to be an Ibis and came out my 'mouth', squawking at me as it did. During this time I was really unaware of my physical body - this was all done through my third eye.
    For the next few weeks I searched out people to figure out what had happened. Finally a psychic told me about Kundalini and I had a clue. I searched out every book on the subject and was left a little dismayed that I had interfered that night.
    This event started me on a path of healing through body work and meditation. I'd wake at nights with spine shudders, sure that we were in an earthquake! I would be in the middle of a simple task and suddenly be overtaken by visions of the past - ie a priestess in a Tantric temple - and my body would go into spontaneous poses. One in particular sent me into a back bend - my body disappeared into a stream of sexual ecstasy-like light and heat as it circulated through me, into the ground and back up again. I remember once being on the edge of orgasm for three days straight before I called out for mercy!
    Many sudden pains and spasms came up as the process circulated through my issues. Like Judy wrote - I quickly learned that to relax and let go eased any difficulties. After about a year, I was lying on a body worker's table when my body began to turn to fire and twitch uncontrollably. My being was flooded with the Kundalini fire and I followed it up into my brain. It swirled around for a time (seconds or minutes?) as I was eased into letting go of my mind. In that moment a brilliant light flooded my consciousness. I say consciousness because there was something that was 'aware' - it just wasn't my normal altered state. The sense of infinity was there - no 'I' - just the experience of 'being'.
    At some point it felt as though I were being ripped apart as I separated from this state and was thrown into the darkest 'void' - it was so painful that I cried out with all of me (who knows what the body worker was doing at this point!) From the lowest point came a tiny point of light. It grew until it merged with me - this time I was conscious of being me. I opened my eyes and wherever my attention was turned - I 'knew' it for infinity. I don't quite know how to describe this part. I looked up and there was a shadow on the wall from the light emanating from my body. There was a milky white cloud of light in my vision. It seemed to surround my head.
    For the next three days the light was there and it was very painful to use my brain. If I just flowed with my knowing I could avoid the pain. Then the awful part began. Suddenly I could see all my own ugliness. Each action that separated me from the life force was very noticeable to say the least. I realized that all my old problems were still there! This was very frustrating at first because I had thought 'enlightenment' solved everything. Ha! I felt betrayed.
    Slowly but surely my mind came back to me and I began the long arduous path of indegration. I was lucky to be home with two small children during this time. Mothering activities kept me grounded. The reality of their survival kept me awake to the mundane. This REALLY helped in the integration process .
    Whoops! This story got a little long. I'll try to sum up with the after effects.
    Suddenly I didn't want any meat or alcohol.
    I stopped drinking coffee and began an earnest meditation practice. My mind was ravenous for higher learning and I devoured books - got a Master's of Transpersonal Psychology and studied Astrology intensely, I've found that the only 'desire' I have is to be of service wherever I can and to fulfill my creative potential.
    This of course is interspersed with painful personal growth experiences and LOTS of refressions! that was a typo, but I like it.
    To refresh is a much more positive word than regress.
    Kundalini was a pretty isolated experience for me.
    Something in me knew that it was spiritual and that I wasn't psychotic.
    It's great to see this list available for people to connect with during such tumultuous times. The KRN conference is a comforting experience. I'd recommend it to people who are seeking out meaning for the process.
   
    Oh, my name is Jean and I'm 40.

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